Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 10

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

December 19th, 2009

James Franco



Mike Tyson

Jack McBrayer


The Lawrence Welk Show
Summary: Rico Garlando (James Franco) enjoys singing and dancing with musical sisters (Abby Elliott, Jenny Slate, Nasim Pedrad), but is grossed out by their tiny-handed sister Judice (Kristen Wiig).

Recurring Characters: Lawrence Welk.


James Franco's Monologue
Summary: James Franco comments on the backwards direction his acting career has taken.


What Up With That
Summary: Diondre Cole (Kenan Thompson) interrupts guests Jack McBrayer, Mike Tyson, and Lindsey Buckingham (Bill Hader) so he can continue singing his theme song.

Recurring Characters: Diondre Cole.

Summary: The affectionate Vogelcheck Family (Fred Armisen, Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, James Franco) still greet one another with open arms and wet, sloppy kisses.

Recurring Characters: Vogelchecks.

Note: This sketch was cut from last week's dress rehearsal with Taylor Lautner.

An SNL Digital Short
Summary: Kids (Nasim Pedrad, Andy Samberg, Jenny slate, Bobby Moynihan, Abby Elliott) on "The Tizzle Wizzle Show" play with knives and take pills with confused guest star James Franco.

The Manuel Ortiz Show
Summary: Manuel Ortiz (Fred Armisen) walks guest Angie (Jenny Slate) through her boyfriend (James Franco) crisis with endless Spanish dancing.


Muse performs "Uprising"

Weekend Update with Seth Meyers
Summary: Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi (Bobby Moynihan) comments on the shenanigans of M-TV reality show "Jersey Shore". Unprepared Garth (Fred Armisen) & Kat (Kristen Wiig) sing Christmas songs as though they were making them up on the spot.

Sigma Lambda Omega
Summary: Upon pledging the Sigma Lambda Omega fraternity, freshman initiate (Andy Samberg) realizes that the house brothers (Jason Sudeikis, James Franco, Bobby Moynihan) are illiterate and lacking in basic educational skills.


Variety Vault
Summary: Vincent Price (Bill Hader) attempts to play Secret Santa with Katherine Hepburn (Kristen Wiig), James Dean (James Franco) and Liberace (Fred Armisen).

Recurring Characters: Vincent Price, Liberace, Katherine Hepburn.


Christmas Trees
Summary: Christmas tree salesman (James Franco) severs the emotional ties with his merchandise upon each sale.

Muse performs "Starlight"

Christmas Gift Meeting
Summary: Business executives Carl (Will Forte), Jerry (Bill Hader), and Troy (James Franco) strain their brains to figure out what gift to give their employees other than dildoes.

Recurring Characters: Carl, Jerry.

Mark Wahlberg Talks to Christmas Animals
Summary: Mark Wahlberg (Andy Samberg) talks to Christmas animals and a snowman.

Recurring Characters: Mark Wahlberg.



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Joseph Lieberman
Summary: Joseph Lieberman (Fred Armisen) rejects various offers of food.

Recurring Characters: Joseph Lieberman.

Thomas Peepers Insurance
Summary: Insurance representative (Bill Hader) will keep a watchful eye on your family, night and day.

Note: This commercial parody will air in the next episode, hosted by Charles Barkley.

Song Memories
Summary: Group of buddies (Jason Sudeikis, Bill Hader, Will Forte, James Franco) share stories while listening to "Glory Days".

Recurring Characters: Bar Buddies.

Baby, It's Cold Outside
Summary: A couple (Kenan Thompson, Kristen Wiig) sing a Christmas ditty to one another.

The Fixer
Summary: Joseph Lieberman (Fred Armisen) is called upon to remove a dead hooker from a man's (Will Forte) bed.

Recurring Characters: Joseph Lieberman.

An SNL Digital Short
Summary: "Traveling with P.J.": P.J. (Kristen Wiig) travels solo to New York City.

SNL Transcripts