Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 14
















09o: Jennifer Lopez

Smash Mouth

Mom.....Jennifer Lopez
Cecilia.....Nasim Pedrad
Dad.....Jason Sudeikis Steve Harwell.....Bobby Moynihan Michael Klooster.....Bill Hader Greg Camp.....Fred Armisen

[ open on exterior, house, night ]

[ dissolve to interior, Cecilia's bedroom, as her Mom reads a bedtime story ]

Mom: And the bears felt really good about everything, and so did the owls. The end. Good night, sweetie. [ she kisses Cecilia on the head ] Sleep tight.

Cecilia: [ apprehensively ] Okay.

Mom: What's wrong?

Cecilia: I'm scared. They're going to come out again!

Mom: Cecilia, I've told you a million times -- you have nothing to be afraid of. There's nothing in your closet. Come here.

[ Mom pulls Cecilia out of bed ]

Cecilia: Mom, I don't want to!

[ Mom opens the closet ]

Mom: See? Nothing. Okay? Now go to sleep. [ Cecilia climbs back into bed ] Good night, baby.

[ Mom exits the bedroom and hits the lights ]

[ Cecilia watches in fear as a pink light appears from her closet ]

[ suddenly, the band Smash Mouth bursts out of her closet, singing ]

Smash Mouth: [ singing ]
"Somebody once told me, the world is going to roll me!
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed!"

Cecilia: [ screaming ] Mom! Mom!

[ Mom rushes in, as the band retreats back into the closet ]

Mom: Honey, what is it?!

Cecilia: Smash Mouth! Smash Mouth!

Mom: [ confused ] What are you saying?

Cecilia: Smash Mouth! Smash Mouth came out of my closet and sang that song again!

Mom: Honey, I don't -- I don't see Smash Mouth anywhere.

Cecilia: Ohhh...

Mom: Now, you've got a Tae Kwon Do tournament in the morning, so just close your eyes and try to fall asleep.

Cecilia: Okay... I'll try...

[ Mom exits the bedroom and hits the lights ]

[ Cecilia watches in fear as a pink light appears from her closet ]

[ suddenly, the band Smash Mouth bursts out from under her bed, singing ]

Smash Mouth: [ singing ]
"Somebody once told me, the world is going to roll me!
I ain't --"

Cecilia: Mom! Mom! They came back! Hurry!

[ Mom rushes in, as the band quickly retreats into the closet ]

Mom: Honey, what's going on?!

Cecilia: Smash Mo-o-o-o-outh!

Mom: And don't say Smash Mouth again...

Cecilia: But they were! They keep coming out and singing that song!

Mom: What song?

Cecilia: I don't want to sing it, or it'll get stuck in your head and you won't be able to get it out!

Mom: Well, where is Smash Mouth now?

Cecilia: They're back in the closet!

Mom: Oh!

[ she storms over to the closet and thrusts the door open without actually peeking inside. Of course, there they are. ]

Mom: Look! No Smash Mouth.

Cecilia: Mom, they're right there. I can see their soul patches!

Mom: [ without bothering to look ] I don't see any Smash Mouth!

Cecilia: Smash Mouth is right in front of you!

Mom: [ disgusted, she slams the door ] This needs to stop, Cecilia!

[ Dad enters the bedroom ]

Dad: What is all the commotion in here?

Cecilia: Daddy, I can't sleep!

Mom: She says the band Smash Mouth is in her closet.

Dad: Smash Mouth? Smash Mouth. [ thinking ] Wait a minute, are those the guys that did the, um -- [ singing ] "Do, do, do, do, do --"

Cecilia: No! That's Third Eye Blind.

Dad: Oh.

Cecilia: Smash Mouth are the ones that do: [ loudly ] Some-BODY --"

Dad: Oh, yeah, yeah! No, I remember that. I know that song, sure. Yeah, kind of a, uhhh, what are they -- skate punk band.

Mom: I -- I think they were more like beach rock.

Dad: Oh, is that what it's called?

Cecilia: Mom, Dad!

Mom: Look -- either way... they are NOT in your closet.

Cecilia: But, Mom!

Mom: And that's that. Now, go to sleep.

Cecilia: Ohhhh...

Mom: That's it!

[ Mom and Dad exit the bedroom and hits the lights ]

[ Cecilia watches in fear as a pink light appears from her closet ]

Cecilia: Oh... Smash Mouth... Smash Mouth... Smash Mouth...

[ she climbs out of bed ]

[ suddenly, the band Smash Mouth bursts through the wall, singing ]

Smash Mouth: [ singing ]
"Somebody once told me, the world was going to roll me --"

Cecilia: MOM!! MOM!! MOM!!

[ Mom rushes in, as the band quickly freezes in place ]

Mom: CECILIA!!

Cecilia: SMASH MOUTH!! [ she points at the band ]

Mom: No one is in here!

Cecilia: What?!

Mom: Baby, baby, baby, here. What happens when Smash Mouth comes?

Cecilia: They sing that song.

Mom: Now, what's so bad about that? Do you agree that that it's a catchy song?

Cecilia: Yeah.

Mom: Didn't you set your end-of-the-year soccer montage video to that song?

Cecilia: Yeah.

Mom: And weren't you excited when Mr. Gordon played it when he juggled in the faculty talent show?

Cecilia: Yeah.

Mom: Yeah. What about when your unemployed cousin made it his ring tone?

Cecilia: Yeah.

Mom: And aren't you THRILLED when it plays in the bathroom of that Baja Fresh?

Cecilia: Always.

Mom: Now, those are happy times, right? [ Cecilia nods ] Smash Mouth may not be Mozart, but they never claimed to be. They're just some positive guys from San Jose who are trying to have some fun.

[ the band nods at this positive description of themselves ]

Mom: They're chill bros, Cecilia. Smash Mouth is nothing to be afraid of. Does this sound scary to you? [ singing ] "So much to do, so much to see, so what's wrong with taking the back street?"

Cecilia: [ singing ] "You'll never know if you don't go!"

Mom: [ singing ] "You'll never shine if you don't glow!"

[ the band takes center stage and Dad runs into the room to join the fun ]

All: "Hey now! You're an all-star! Get your game on, go play!"

[ fade ]


SNL Transcripts