Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 16


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:















Bit Players:



March 6th, 2010

Zack Galifianakis

Vampire Weekend

None

Brian Williams

Mehmet Oz

Jack McBrayer

Jane Krakowski

Anthony Anderson

Jeremy Sisto

Paul Rudd

Frank Rich

None


Health Care Reform
Summary: President Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) is determined to pass a Health Care reform bill even if it is unpopular.

Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid.

Transcript


Montage


Zack Galifianakis' Monologue
Summary: Zack Galifianakis delivers comic one-liners while playing a soft tune on a piano.

Transcript


Vogelchecks
Summary: The affectionate Vogelcheck Family (Fred Armisen, Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, Bobby Moynihan) greet one another with open arms and wet, sloppy kisses at Grandpa's funeral.

Recurring Characters: Mr. Vogelcheck, Mrs. Vogelcheck, Dwayne Vogelcheck.

Transcript


Bidet
Summary: Hotel guests (Zack Galifianakis, Kristen Wiig) are curious about the limits that can be imposed upon their suite's bidet.

Transcript


Zach Drops By The Set
Summary: Various NBC telecasts are interrupted when Zack Galifianakis appears in the background.

Transcript


Today
Summary: Drunken Kathie Lee Gifford (Kristen Wiig) uses Oscar nominee titles to mock Hoda Kotb (Jenny Slate), while Zack Galifianakis peeks in the window to pursue his obsession with Kotb.

Recurring Characters: Kathie Lee Gifford, Hoda Kotb.


Vampire Weekend performs "Cousins"


Weekend Update with Seth Meyers
Summary: Mo'Nique (Kenan Thompson) practices her Oscar acceptance speech, in order to hold it down to 45 seconds. Will Forte sings a song to commemorate Women's Herstory Month.

Transcript


What Up With That?
Summary: Diondre Cole (Kenan Thompson) interrupts guests Paul Rudd, Frank Rich, and Lindsey Buckingham (Bill Hader) so he can continue singing his theme song.

Recurring Characters: Diondre Cole, Lindsey Buckingham, Jessica McClure.

Transcript


The Situation Room
Summary: Wolf Blitzer (Jason Sudeikis) delivers the hard news as provided by CNN viewers.

Recurring Characters: Wolf Blitzer, Christine Amanpour.


Vampire Weekend performs "Giving Up The Gun"


Pageant Talk
Summary: Beauty queen's (Jenny Slate) moment in the sun is ruined by the bickering between her parents (Zach Galafianakis, Kristen Wiig) on their pageant talk show.

Transcript


Goodnights
Transcript






Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Broadview Security
Summary: Homeowner (Nasim Pedrad) is protected no matter what variety of male predator tries to break through her door.

Note: This commercial parody will air in the next episode, hosted by Jude Law.


Bob & Stacia
Summary: Mr. and Mrs. Triggs (Bill Hader, Nasim Pedrad) are oblivious to how annoying their adopted children Stacia (Kristen Wiig) and Bob (Zach Galifinakis) are.

Recurring Characters: Mr. Triggs, Mrs. Triggs, Stacia.


Homework
Summary: As a teenager (Abby Elliott) does her homework, President James A. Garfield (Zach Galifinakis) comes to life.


Dateline
Summary: Keith Morrison (Bill Hader) revels even further in the misery of his interview subjects.

Recurring Characters: Keith Morrison.


Dr. Gizmo's Barrel of Fun
Summary: Sad that his wife is sick, Dr. Gizmo (Zach Galifinakis) uses a barrelful of props to convey his emotions to a friend (Kenan Thompson).


Lesbian Wedding
Summary: Two lesbians (Kristen Wiig, Nasim Pedrad) are interrupted at their wedding when manipulative ex-boyfriend Hamilton (Will Forte) shows up begging for a second chance.

Recurring Characters: Hamilton.



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