Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 16


















09p: Zack Galafianakis / Vampire Weekend

What up with That

Diondre Cole.....Kenan Thompson
.....Paul Rudd
.....Frank Rich
Lindsey Buckingham.....Bill Hader
80ís break dancer.....Jason Sudeikis
R.J. Sizzle.....Zach Galifianakis
Saxophone player.....Fred Armisen
Baby Jessica.....Abby Elliott
Announcer/Robot dance.....Will Forte

[Opens with the BET channel Logo with a funky background music.]

[Cuts to a set with 2 backup singers and Paul Rudd, Frank Ritch and Lindsey Buckingham sitting in chairs.]

[Logo of the show appears reading ďWhat up with that?Ē]

Backup singers: Ooooooooooo weeeee!

Announcer: Itís ďWhat up with that?Ē, taking on the issues of today with soul. Tonight, actor Paul Rudd. New York Times columnist Frank Ritch and from Fleetwood Mac Lindsey Buckingham. And now here is your host Diondre Coles.

[Diondre Coles runs on stage and starts to dance and sing]

Diondre Cole: I woke up this morning and i got out of bed. Had a big ol cup of coffee to clear my head. Telephone rang and you wanna chat.. well sit on down and tell me what up with that.

Diondre Coles and backup singers: Ooooooooooo weeeee! Whatís up with that? Whatís up with that? Ooooooooooo weeeee! Whatís up with that? Whatís up with that?

Diondre Cole: He said, she said, we said, me said. What up with that?

[Breaks into a funky dance move]

Diondre Cole: Who knew, you knew, say what, voodoo. What up with that? What uuuuup with thaaaaaat? Yeeeesssaaah!

[Music stops, backup singers walk off stage and Diondre Coles sits down and puts his mic beside him.]

Diondre Cole: Wellll! Welll! Thank you all for joining us on What up with that. Well tonight... we are going to go deep into some issues. We are going to have a conversation.

[Drum beats starts. Diondre Coles feels a song coming on]

Diondre Cole: We gonna get some information.

[Piano joins the beat and Diondre Coles starts to sing]

Diondre Cole: Itís gonna be a sensation. We gonna fell an alation.

[Diondre Coles stands up and grabs his mic and start to move towards the camera.]

Diondre Cole: Itís a celebration. Itís gonna get Funky, Cronky,

[Diondre Coles is a few inches from the camera.]

Diondre Cole: Donkey, Sponkey, Chonkey, Junky, Skonkey ,slap a monkey, HELP a monkey, Kiss It.

[Music starts]

[Diondre Coles starts to walk back to the center stage. 3 male dancers join Diondre Coles dancing back towards the center stage]

[Backup singers come back to the stage]

Diondre Coles and backup singers: Ooooooooooo weeeee! Whatís up with that? Whatís up with that?

[Camera cuts back to the main stage where a Saxophone player and an 80ís break dancer have appeared]

Diondre Coles and backup singers: Ooooooooooo weeeee! Whatís up with this.. and whatís up with that?

[Diondre walk to high five the 80ís break dancer, the Saxophone player, Paul Rudd and Frank Rich. Lindsey Buckingham extends his hand for a high five but Diondre Coles walks right by and not giving him a high five.]

Diondre Cole: Whatís uuuuuuuuuup. I said Whatís uuuuuuuuupppp What is up with that. You know i saw Avatar last week but that blue lady she needs to put on a braaaaa. Yeeeeeess!

[Music stops. Saxophone player, 80ís break dancer and backup singers walk off stage. Diondre Coles walks back to his seat and puts the mic beside him]

Diondre Cole: Oh welllll. That was very nice. Now letís get down to business. It is wonderful to have actor Paul Rudd here.

Paul Rudd: Thank you. Thank you for having me Diondre.

Diondre Cole: No no no no! Thank You Paul! Now the Oscars are on tomorrow.

Paul Rudd: Yeah Yeah!

Diondre Cole: Now often we will see the Oscar winners use their thank you speech to make some kind of political statement. Now as a performer. Yourself. Do you think thatís appropriate?

Paul Rudd: Ah thatís a great question.Ummm... I think itís up to the individual

[Drum beat comes back. Paul Rudd looks confused to why the beat is playing]

Paul Rudd: Ummm... I mean you know giving an Oscar speech is a pretty big platform

Diondre Cole (singing): Humongous platform.

[Piano enters to keep the beat with the drum]

Paul Rudd: Ya! Ya! And you know alot of actors have a genuine passion for certain causes.

Diondre Cole (singing): Passionate Action.

Paul Rudd: Ya thatís right they got aÖ got a passionate action and I think itís cool that they are talking about things that are important.

Diondre Cole (singing): Talking Important Yeah!

Paul Rudd: (with an annoying tone) Ya ya you got it.

[Diondre Coles grabs the mic and breaks out in song]

Diondre Cole: Yeah I got it baby. Cause i gotís to say....

[Music starts back up. Backup signings, Saxophone player and 80ís break dancer comes back on stage]

Diondre Coles and backup singers: Ooooooooooo weeeee! Whatís up with that? Whatís up with that?

[Camera cuts to Paul Rudd with a confused look on his face trying to figure out whatís going on.]

Diondre Coles and backup singers: Ooooooooooo weeeee! Whatís up with that? Whatís up with that?

[Tempo slows down]

Diondre Cole: Ladies and Gentlemen.... Get ready... Cause you are about to experience the worldís greatest... Ambidextrious... Disco Flute playa. Here he is R. J. Sizzle

[Diondre Coles waves over R. J. Sizzle to come on stage]

[R. J. Sizzle dances to the center stage playing 2 flutes at the same time]

[R.J. Sizzle breaks out in a flute solo while switching his hands from one flute to another.]

Diondre Cole: Oh Yeah!. Oh Yeah! Thatís it. Woooo! Yeah! Oh Oh. Woohooo.

[R. J. Sizzle moves to the back of the stage beside Paul Rudd.]

Diondre Coles and backup singers: Ooooooooooo weeeee! Whatís up with that? Whatís up with that? Ooooooooooo weeeee! Whatís up with that? Whatís up with that?

[Camera cuts to Paul Rudd with a look of discuss on his face while R. J. sizzle dances and plays the flute only a few inches away.]

Diondre Cole: Ladies and Gentlemen. She was once stuck in a well.

[A man runs on stage dressed in an 80ís style business suite wearing red futuristic sunglasses and doing the Robot dance. He then runs off the stage]

Diondre Cole: But now... She is all grown up... and she ainít stuck no more. Please welcome. Baby Jessica.

[A stage prop of a well come rolling to center stage and Jessica pops up from inside the well and starts to dance]

Diondre Cole: Go Jessica! Go Jessica! Go Jessica! All Grown up. All Grown Up. You safe. Not Stuck. Outside.. The well. Dance it out. Go Jessica! Fells good. Donít it girl. Hey Yeah.Here we go.

[Stage props starts to move off camera with Jessica still in the well.]

Diondre Cole: Bye Jessica. Have Fun.

Diondre Coles and backup singers: Ooooooooooo weeeee! Whatís up with that? Whatís up with that? Ooooooooooo weeeee! Whatís up with that? Whatís up with that?

[Camera cuts to R. J. Sizzle who has his crotch close to Paul Ruddís face. Paul Rudd is disgusted by the sight.]

Diondre Cole: Whatís uuuuuuup. I say whatís uuuuuup. What is up with thaaaaat? What is up with that? What is up with that? What is up that? What is up with that? You know I went to IkeaÖ but I couldnít speak none of the language. Yeees!

[Music stops. Backup singers, 80ís break dancer, the Saxophone player and R. J. Sizzle leave the stage. Diondre Coles sits back down in his chair and puts the mic beside him.]

Diondre Cole: Well. Looks like we out of time! UhÖ I want to thank my guest the charming Paul Rudd. The sexy and the sinister Frank Ritch and Oh No not again. Oh No Lindsey Buckingham. Man you have been here like 20 times.

[Camera cuts to Lindsey Buckingham very angry]

Diondre Cole: I feel terrible. Lindsey man I made you a promise and I broke it AGAIN! You got to forgive me.

[Lindsey Buckingham nods in disagreement. He starts to stand up and is about to leave]

Diondre Cole: Donít no donít go Lindsey. Donít go now thatís the last time. This will never happen again. Come on man. Eh! let me know we cool Lindsey. Come on now let me know we cool.

[Camera cuts back to Lindsey who nods happily and agrees with Diondre Coles. Lindsey sits back down in his chair.]

Diondre Cole: Ah there we go Lindsey Buckingham. Man you my best friend. Until next time. This is Diondre Coless sayingÖ.

[Music starts back up again. Diondre Colss grabs the mic and heads towards center stage.]

[Backup singers, 80ís break dancer, the Saxophone player, R. J. Sizzle all come back on stage.]

Diondre Cole: Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Yeah!

[Jessica, the 3 backup dancers come back on stage. Confetti starts to rain down.]

Diondre Coles and backup singers: Ooooooooooo weeeee! Whatís up with that? Whatís up with thit? Ooooooooooo weeeee! Whatís up with that? Whatís up with that?

[Man doing the Robot dance comes back on stage. Two men on stilts come dancing in front of the stage.]

[Logo of the show appears reading ďWhat up with that?Ē]

[Fade] e


Submitted by: Jubei "Guy" Kibagami


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