Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 18


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:



Bit Players:



April 10th, 2010

Tina Fey

Justin Bieber

None

Steve Martin

Mark Sanchez

None


A Message from the President of the United States
Summary: President Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) reads Census questions that seek answers of a too-personal nature to suit his political agenda.

Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama.

Transcript


Montage


Tina Fey's Monologue
Summary: Tina Fey sings "I'm Every Woman" and introduces the entourage that helps her juggle her many roles as a woman.

Recurring Characters: Chaka Khan.

Transcript


Brownie Husband
Summary: Single woman (Tina Fey) indulges her sweet tooth with a romantic fantasy.

Transcript


Masters
Summary: Jim Nantz (Jason Sudeikis) and Nick Faldo (Bill Hader) welcome Tiger Woods back to the Masters Tournament with additional sideline commentary from floozy Ashlyn St. Cloud (Tina Fey).

Recurring Characters: Jim Nantz, Tiger Woods.


Sarah Palin Network
Summary: Sarah Palin's (Tina Fey) new television network includes low-rent TV-movies of the week and a new action series starring husband Todd (Jason Sudeikis).

Transcript


Lonely Teacher
Summary: Lonely teacher (Tina Fey) indulges in a musical fantasy with twerpy teen student (Justin Bieber).


Justin Bieber performs "Baby"


Weekend Update with Seth Meyers
Summary: Even the Devil (Jason Sudeikis) is offended by latest Catholic Church scandal. Aunt Linda (Kristen Wiig) reviews recent movies. Tina Fey delivers Women's News.

Recurring Characters: Aunt Linda.

Transcript


Ruff, Rugged and Roker
Summary: Al Roker (Kenan Thompson) hosts a hip-hop jam in-between phoning in his weather reports for "The Today Show".

Recurring Characters: Al Roker, Kim Kardashian.


School Dance
Summary: Bedelia (Nasim Pedrad) is best friends with her mom (Tina Fey) and doesn't wan to interact socially with her peers.


Justin Bieber performs "U Smile"


Tiny Hooker
Summary: 9-inch hooker Lolene (Tina Fey) wants to save enough money from turning tricks to fly to Paris.


Goodnights
Transcript






Dress Rehearsal Cuts

The View
Summary: The insipidly gabby talk show hostesses chat about "Dancing With The Stars" with Pamela Anderson (Tina Fey).

Recurring Characters: Whoopi Goldberg, Barbara Walters, Joy Behar, Elizabeth Hasselback, Pamela Anderson.


Date Night
Summary: While being interviewed about "Date Night", mentally-challenged Frondi (Fred Armisen) cautions Tina Fey about "30 Rock"'s low ratings.


Great Women Writers
Summary: Tina Fey discusses the writers who inspired her to follow in their tracks.


Great Women Writers II
Summary: Tina Fey discusses more writers who inspired her to follow in their tracks.


The Shake Weight Commercial DVD
Summary: Entrepreneur (Bill Hader) advertises a DVD of the Shake Weight commercial for horny male viewers who keep missing it on television.

Note: This commercial parody will air on the episode hosted by Ryan Phillippe.


The Facts of Life
Summary: Teenager's (Andy Samberg) parents (Will Forte, Tina Fey) educate him about the birds and the bees.



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