Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 21










09u: Betty White / Jay-Z

Delicious Dish

Margaret Jo McCullen.....Ana Gasteyer
Teri Rialto.....Molly Shannon
Florence Dusty.....Betty White

[ open on exterior, NPR bulding, night ]

[ dissolve to interior, studio ]

Margaret Jo McCullen: Hello. I'm Margaret Jo McCullen.

Teri Rialto: And I'm Teri Rialto.

Together: And you're listening to... The Delicious Dish. On National Public Radio.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Well, Teri. Tomorrow is the first Sunday in May. And it's one of our favorite holidays, on Delicious Dish.

Teri Rialto: That's right, Margaret Jo. Every year, for one day, we celebrate and say thank you to...

Together: Dietary fiber!

Teri Rialto: As you all know, Sunday is National Dietary Fiber Day, and we've celebrated that together for years.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Yeah. And, even though we've been friends for a long time, you could say our shared love of fiber keeps our relationship "bran" new!

Teri Rialto: [ smiling ] That's funny!

Margaret Jo McCullen: Thanks!

Teri Rialto: You took the "d" off "brand" and made it "bran".

Margaret Jo McCullen: Bingo!

Teri Rialto: Did you just come up with that joke?

Margaret Jo McCullen: No. I got the idea the day after last day's -- [ she clears her throat ] last year's dietary fiber show, so I had to wait 'til now. So, Teri... what's your favorite kind of fiber?

Teri Rialto: I like Quinoa.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Whoa!

Teri Rialto: I threw you, didn't I? You thought I was gonna say barley.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Yeah. That was a real game changer.

Teri Rialto: [ smiling ] More like, grain changer!

Margaret Jo McCullen: Good one. You're lucky you thought of that joke today.

Teri Rialto: Yeah. It's neat.

Margaret Jo McCullen: It's fun.

Teri Rialto: Good times.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Happy Fiber Day.

Teri Rialto: You, too.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Thanks!

[ they both smile before continuing ]

Margaret Jo McCullen: Our guest today is a little bit of a rock star in the confectionary world.

Teri Rialto: No kidding. She can shake it, break it, and sprinkle it, child.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Please welcome Florence Dusty, from Dusty's Old-Time Bakery.

Teri Rialto: Hi, Florence!

[ Florence Dusty slides over ]

Florence Dusty: Thank you for having me!

Margaret Jo McCullen: Florence, what delicious treat are you gonig to share with us today?

Florence Dusty: Well... a lot of people like my pumpkin pie, and, of course, my carrot cake is obviously legendary! But, if there's one thing Iím known for... itís my muffin.

[ she slides a tray of muffings over ]

Margaret Jo McCullen: Ooh! Wow! Get a whiff of that!

Florence Dusty: Pretty intense, right?

Teri Rialto: Mmm... I can't wait to taste your muffin. [ eating ] Mmm... wow! Warm! Yummy!

Margaret Jo McCullen: It's surprisingly salty. I mean that in a very good way.

Teri Rialto: Your muffin is remarkably velvety.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Itís true. I think we both assumed -- and I think, wrongfully -- that a baker of your generation might tend towards a more... drier, crusty muffin.

Florence Dusty: Well, that's true, that many bakers from my era have dry or, even, yeasty muffins.

Margaret Jo McCullen: A yeasty muffin can really ruin your whole day.

Teri Rialto: Sometimes, your week.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Wow, the phone lines are really lighting up.

Teri Rialto: We can get to those later.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Florence, there's a tangy taste in this muffin. Is that a cherry?

Florence Dusty: No. My muffin hasnít had a cherry since 1939.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Your muffin sure has seen a lot.

[ they continue eating ]

Teri Rialto: Mmm... your muffin just squirted in my mouth!

Florence Dusty: It happens.

Teri Rialto: I guess I'm eating it the right way.

Florence Dusty: Yeah! Go to town!

Margaret Jo McCullen: You know, I donít talk about it a lot, but... I went through a pretty major muffin phase in college.

Florence Dusty: I would have guessed that, based on your appearance.

Margaret Jo McCullen: It's the haircut.

Teri Rialto: You know... you're unveiling your new muffin today. Are you nervous about how it will be received?

Florence Dusty: Well, you know, girls, when I was younger, I was so concerned about how my muffin looked. But, as I got older, I started to think: "To heck with it! This is MY muffin, and I don't care HOW it looks! I'm just gonna let it all hang out."

Margaret Jo McCullen: That's really progressive.

Teri Rialto: You go, girl!

Florence Dusty: That's right, child! I'm Florence Dusty! I'm 88 and a half years old, and I'm proud to unveil my Giant Dusty Muffin!

[ she slides over a tray with one giant muffin on it ]

Teri Rialto: Ooh!

Margaret Jo McCullen: That's gorgeous. Look at that.

Florence Dusty: Well, ladies, as I used to say to my loving husband, Irving, of 55 years: "What are you waiting for, stupid? Eat it!"

[ they dig in ]

Margaret Jo McCullen: God bless. Good times!

Teri Rialto: God bless you.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Well, thank you so much, Florence, and, to our listeners: Don't worry, we'll be sure to post some sweet muffin shots online later.

Florence Dusty: Good times!

Teri Rialto: That's all for Delicious Dish. Join us next week, when we'll be talking about...

Together: Pork Buns!

[ shaking her head ] Not a fan.

[ fade ]


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