Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 21














09u: Betty White / Jay-Z

MacGruber II

MacGruber.....Will Forte
Vicky.....Kristen Wiig
Nana.....Betty White

[FADE IN on the ends of two electric wires as a spark jumps between them. CUT among various shots of pontoon planes, hands tinkering with materials, and exploding buildings.]

Singers:
"MacGruber!
Working with his Grandma's put a strain on their relationship!
MacGruber!
She's telling lots of stories that are really embarrassing!
MacGruber!
He's losing all his street cred!"

[CUT to MacGruber being made fun of by another couple as he strikes a karate pose against footage of flames.]

Singers: "MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!"

[CUT to a clandestine guerilla airport. SUPERIMPOSE caption, "Clandestine Guerilla Airport." CUT to a sign marked "Airport Control Room" as sirens wail.]

Nana: [struggling with locked door] MacGruber, this door is magnet-locked!

Vicky: And from the looks of that mini-hydrogen bomb, we've got about 20 seconds!

MacGruber: Don't worry, gang -- we will get out of here. And we'll do it together. Right, Nana?

[ Nana grins ]

Vicky: Fifteen seconds, MacGruber!

MacGruber: Okay! Uh -- Vicky -- please! Hand me that paper clip -- thank you!

Vicky: You got it, MacGruber!

Nana: MacGruber? Do you still have scars from when you had your breast reduction surgery?

MacGruber: Uh... no, Nana, I don't. Because I never had one!

Nana: Ohh, he's embarrassed!

MacGruber: [ clenching his teeth ] We have gone over this before! This is not story time, we are trying to diffuse a freaking bomb here! So just stay over there, and keep your mouth shut!

Vicky: Ten seconds, MacGruber!

MacGruber: Uh -- uh -- Vicky! Please hand me that cord! Thank you!

Vicky: Here you go, MacGruber!

MacGruber: Nana!

[ Nana appears to be dead ]

Vicky: Oh, my God!

MacGruber: [ shaking his head ] She's just playing dead. She does this all the time for attention. Good job, Nana! Real mature! 88 years old! Really freakin' mature! Everynoe knows you're still alive!

[ no reaction ]

MacGruber: Check her pulse, just in case.

[ Vicky leans forward, afraid ]

[ Nana opens one eye for a quick second ]

MacGruber: [ pointing ] I SAW THAT!! HA HA! I WIN!!

[CUT to the airport exploding and spewing smoke everywhere.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[ fade ]


SNL Transcripts