Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 21










09u: Betty White / Jay-Z

The Manuel Ortiz Show

Manuel Ortiz....Fred Armisen
Renata Montoyez....Maya Rudolph
Renata's sister....Ana Gasteyer
Merlin....Bill Hader
Nelson Carreras....Will Forte
Sr. Carreras....Bobby Moynihan
Sra. Carreras....Betty White
Julisa....Kristen Wiig

[TV Dominicana logo]

Announcer: You're watching Telecentro TV Dominicana. At 6:00 Fireworks. Followed by 10:00 JAG. But first The Manuel Ortiz Show.

[The Manuel Ortiz Show logo]

Manuel Ortiz: Hola. Welcome to the show. I am Manuel Ortiz. I am here to listen and help you work with your problem. And if I cannot, I'm very,very sorry. My first guest today has lost all contact with her sister. Please welcome, Renata Montoyez.

[Merengue music plays]

[Manuel and Renata dance the merengue. A couple of steps, whips head to the side. Music stops, they sit down]

Manuel Ortiz: Welcome Renata Montoyez.

Renata Montoyez: Oh, muchas gracias Manuel.

Manuel Ortiz: So, what has happened between you and your sister?

Renata Montoyez: [emotional] Oh, this is so hard for me.

Manuel Ortiz: Try.

Renata Montoyez: Ok. My sister, she sleeps with my husband. They say they just esleep but I am not there to make sure.

Manuel Ortiz: Well, guess who's here? Your sister.

Renata Montoyez: No!

Manuel Ortiz: Yes!

Renata Montoyez: No!

Manuel Ortiz: Let's bring her out!

[Merengue music plays. Manuel, Renata and Renata's sister dance the merengue. A couple of steps, whip head to the side]

[Music stops, they sit down]

Renata's Sister: Buenos dias Manuel.

Manuel Ortiz: Your sister is very upset with you.

Renata Montoyez: You sleep with my husband!

Renata's Sister: So? We're amigos with benefits.

Manuel Ortiz: I have a surprise for both of you. Let's bring him out!

[Merengue music plays. Manuel, Renata, Renata's sister and Merlin dance the merengue. A couple of steps and whip the head to the side.]

[Music stops, they sit down]

Renata Montoyez: Merlin, why are you here?!

Manuel Ortiz: Merlin has something to say. He wanted to wait to tell you together in front of a studio audience.

Merlin: Yes. Both of you. Hold my hands. [Renata and her sister hold hands with Merlin] I think....I am gay.

Renata Montoyez: You did this to him!

Renata's Sister: No! I did nothing to him. This is what has happened.

Manuel Ortiz: So, I have someone here who wants to see Merlin. Please welcome, Nelson Carreras.

[Merengue music plays]

[Manuel, Renata, Renata's sister, Merlin and Nelson dance the merengue. Merlin checks Nelson's ass while dancing. A couple of steps, whip head to the side]

[Music stops, they sit down]

Nelson Carreras: Oh, a snap on everyone's faces but Merlin's.

Merlin: Te amo Nelson.

Nelson Carreras: Te amo Merlin.

Manuel Ortiz: Nelson, did Julisa the make-up girl, prepared you?

Nelson Carreras: No. Do I have a shine?

Manuel Ortiz: Yes, a terrible one.

Nelson Carreras: Ah!

Manuel Ortiz: Julisa, we need powder!

[Merengue music plays]

[Manuel, Renata, Renata's sister, Merlin and Nelson dance the merengue. Julisa dances and powders Nelson's face. A couple of steps, whip head to the side. Julisa jumps out of camera range]

[Music stops, they sit down]

Manuel Ortiz: Now Nelson, there is something very special that you wanted to do today.

Nelson Carreras: Yes. My parents don't know I'm gay.

Manuel Ortiz: Then let's bring them out. Sr y Sra. Carreras!

[Merengue music plays]

[Manuel, Renata, Renata's sister, Merlin, Nelson and Sr. and Sra.Carreras dance the merengue. A couple of steps, whip head to the side.]

[Music stops. They sit down, all except Sr. Carreras]

Sr. Carreras: Ay, yi, yay! There is no room for both me and my wife in this sofa.

Manuel Ortiz: I'm sorry but I need for one of you to volunteer to leave.

Renata's Sister: I will. I am too don't want to do this anyway.

[Renata's sister gets up, merengue music plays for a little bit and leaves her in mid-dance. She pauses awkwardly, walks out]

Manuel Ortiz: Your son has something to tell you.

Nelson Carreras: Guess what's ne-e-e-ew?

Sra. Carreras: You found a new girlfriend?

Nelson Carreras: No.

Sr. Carreras: You found a new place to buy juice?

Nelson Carreras: No. I am a gay top! Can you deal with this?

Sra. Carreras: Ay, yi, yay. That explains why he doesn't like tacos!

Manuel Ortiz: I am being told from the control room that I need to take a break. When we return we have a special surprise. Sr and Sra. Carreras gardener!

Sr. Carreras: Ay, no!

Manuel Ortiz: Si!

Sr. Carreras: Ayyyy!

[Merengue music plays. They keep dancing the merengue]

[The Manuel Ortiz Show logo]

[cheers and applause]

[fade]


Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel


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