Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 21

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09u: Betty White / Jay-Z

An SNL Digital Short

.....Betty White
.....Andy Samberg
.....Fred Armisen
.....Rachel Dratch
.....Abby Elliott
.....Will Forte
.....Tina Fey
.....Ana Gasteyer
.....Bill Hader
.....Bobby Moynihan
.....Nasim Pedrad
.....Amy Poehler
.....Maya Rudolph
.....Molly Shannon
.....Jenny Slate
.....Jason Sudeikis
.....Kenan Thompson
.....Kristen Wiig


[ Andy escorts Betty to a single chair in an all-white colored studio. ]

Andy Samberg: Right this way…

Betty White: Where are we going?

Andy Samberg: Just have a seat right here.

Betty White: Okay.

[ Betty sits down. ]

Andy Samberg: Betty -- you’ve given us so many memorable memories over the years. This one’s for you!

[ Andrew Gold’s THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND from “The Golden Girls” begins. ]

Maya Rudolph: [singing]
“Thank you for being a friend.”

Fred Armisen, Molly Shannon, Kristen Wiig: [singing]
“Traveled down the road and back again.”

Nasim Pedrad: [singing]
“Your heart is true.”

Tina Fey, Bobby Moynihan, Jason Sudeikis: [singing]
“You’re a pal and a confidante.”

[ Betty chuckles in delight. ]

Rachel Dratch, Amy Poehler: [singing]
“And if you threw a party.”

Jenny Slate, Kenan Thompson: [singing]
“And invited everyone you knew.”

Betty White: Oh! I love it!

Will Forte, Ana Gasteyer: [singing]
“You would see the biggest gift would be from me.”

Abby Elliott, Bill Hader: [singing]
“And the card attached would say…”

All: [singing]
“Thank You for Being a Friend!”

<[ Everyone’s in smiles and/or embracing one another. ]

Betty White: Oh, that was just lovely! But I think I prefer my version…

[ Betty dons a ski mask. She pops out of her chair with a microphone. ]

Betty White: 1, 2, 3, 4!!!

[ A hardcore, heavy metal version of THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND plays. Several biker boys are throwing down a mad mosh pit. Betty simulating humping on one of the bikers. The “SNL” cast is horrified and/or stunned. Betty smashes a 2 x 4 against one of the bikers, who spews blood on Nasim. Two of the bikers tackle Andy. Jason pulls out his iPhone to snap a photo. Everyone else seems to engage in a fist fight. An out-of-breath Betty pops a seat and removes her ski mask. ]

Betty White: Happy Mother’s Day, Motherfuckers!


Submitted by: Cody Downs

SNL Transcripts