Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 2










10b: Bryan Cranston / Kanye West

Pepto-Bismol Ice

Girl.....Nasim Pedrad
Guy.....Andy Samberg
Bartender.....Taran Killam

[ open on club scene, Girl sitting at the bar ]

Girl V/O: I was at the club with some friends. That's when it happened: [ she clutches her stomach ] This burning sensation.

Voiceover: In-di-ges-tionnnn!

Girl V/O: I was ready to go home. [ Bartender brings a tray toward her ] Then I heard about Pepto-Bismol Ice. [ the thick pink beverage is poured into a glass ] The only antacid that's also a malt licquor.

Voiceover: Pep-to-Bis-mol Icccccce!

[ diagram of human figure as pink liquid pours down the throat into the stomach, then bounces back toward the brain ]

Girl V/O: Just one sip, and you'll taste the relief. Pepto-Bismol Ice gives you relief from your stomach pain and fills your brain with a low-grade alcohol.

[ show girl dancing in the club with a bottle of Pepto-Bismol Ice in her hand ]

[ SUPER: "Enjoy Pepto Bismol Ice responsibly." ]

Girl V/O: Pepto-Bismol ice got me off the toilet... and onto the dance floor!

[ a guy spots her dancing across the floor and crosses toward her ]

Girl V/O: Plus, it's got that signature pink color that guys love.

[ two bottles of Pepto-Bismol Ice are placed on the counter ]

Voiceover: Pep-to-Bis-mol Icccccce!

[ the girl picks up one bottle to swig, as the guy steps forward and picks up the other bottle and swigs ]

Girl: [ shouting ] It kills the bacteria that causes diarrhea!

Guy: [ shouting ] Nice!

[ they begin to make out ]

[ cut to Bartender pouring a fresh glass of Pepto-Bismol Ice ]

Girl V/O: Pepto-Bismol Ice. Keep the party out of your pants.

[ fade ]


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