Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 5




















10e: Jon Hamm / Rihanna

Back to the Future 25th Anniversary DVD II

Director's Voice.....Paul Brittain
Nicolas Cage.....Andy Samberg
Alan Alda.....Bill Hader
Prince.....Fred Armisen
Bill Cosby.....Kenan Thompson
Gilbert Gottfried.....Taran Killam
Joan Cusack.....Abby Elliott
Pee Wee Herman.....Taran Killam

[ open with clips from "Back to the Future" ]

Announcer:The 25th Anniversary "Back to the Future" DVD.

[ cut to vintage screen test clip ]

Director's Voice: Nicolas Cage. Take One. "1.21 gigawatts? How am I gonna generate that kind of power?"

Nicolas Cage: "What... in the HELL!.. is a GIGAWATT?! TELL MEEE!! TELL ME, YOU BASTAAAAARD!!"

Director's Voice: Alright, cut! Uhhh -- yeah, yeah... Nick? I'm sorry, but... you're coming off a little crazy.

Nicolas Cage: Yeah. Oh, you think I'm crazy NOW?!! Check back with me in TWENTY-FIVE YEARS!! HA HAAAAA!!!

[ cut to next audition ]

Alan Alda: This is so nice, you guys, letting me come in. You got your lights here, your flag there...

Director's Voice: Alan Alda as Biff!

Alan Alda: This guy's great! Uh, wait a second. Let me get this straight. This Marty McFly covered my convertible in horse manure, so now I have to beat him up and beat his dad up? Uh... how does that happen..?

Director's Voice: Actually, uh, they're the same age.

Alan Alda: They're the same -- the dad and the son are the same age. Wow! Well, this is, uh, this is a real WILD movie you guys are making here, uh... godspeed! I want in! Who do I fuck?

[ cut to next audition ]

Director's Voice: Prince. Take One. [ Prince stands in the background ] Okay, Prince... you wanna come up up here?

[ Prince shakes his head and slinks off of the set ]

Director's Voice: Bill Cosby. Take One. "Listen, Doc. About the future --"

Bill Cosby: "NOOO!! MAR-TY! We already agreed that having information about the future could have disastrous consequences about the past! And the flux capacitor! [ speaking in gibberish ] And... cap-ba-luxitator! With the flixxin' and the flaxxin'! And you end up with subberb on your face! Whaaaaaa..?"

[ cut to next audition ]

Director's Voice: Gilbert Gottfried, as Biff.

Gilbert Gottfried: [ squinty-eyed and screaming ] "WHAT..?!! ARE YOU LOOKING AT..! BUTT..! HEAD!" [ he grins ]

Director's Voice: Joan Cusack. Take One.

Robin Williams: [ manic ad-libbing ] "Hey, you-ou-ou! Get your meat hooks off me! You-ou-ou! You-ou-ou! Biff, you-ou-ou!

Director's Voice: No.

[ cut to next audition ]

Alan Alda: "Hey, uh -- hey, what are you looking at, Butt-head? Hey, why don't you make like a tree and get outta here!" [ he smiles ] You know, th-th-that is a GREAT line! I mean, that is SO great! This stuff you guys are doing, with the 50's and everything! You know, I-I-I had jackets like this! I-I-I'm the old guy!

Director's Voice: Pee Wee Herman, as Marty McFly. "This Saturday, we're sending you back to the future."

Pee Wee Herman: "Future?! That's the magic word!" Huh huh huh huh!

Director's Voice: Okay, don't forget you're supposed to be a normal, modern teenager.

Pee Wee Herman: "I know you are, but what am I?!"

Director's Voice: That is what you are.

Pee Wee Herman: "I know you are, but what am I?!"

Director's Voice: Okay! Just... forget it.

Pee Wee Herman: Ha ha ha, huh!

[ cut back to film footage ]

Announcer: The 25th Anniversary "Back to the Future" DVD. Own it today! [ fade ]


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