Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 8














10h: Robert DeNiro / Diddy Dirty Money

The Abacus Conundrum

Harlan Kane.....Robert DeNiro

[ open on images of various book covers ]

Announcer: From best selling novelist Harlan Kane, author of "The Medici Codex", "The Perseus Enigma", and "The Genghis Rubicon"... comes an all-new thriller that you won't be able to put down:

[ dissolve to new book cover ]

Announcer: "The Abacus Conundrum".

[ dissolve to Harlan Kane proudly holding up his new book ]

Harlan Kane: I wrote another book. Buckle up!

[ dissolve to more book covers ]

Announcer: He had you on the edge of your seat, with "The Harlequin Protocol", "The Ichabod Formula", and "The Pinochet Sudoku".

[ dissolve to new book cover ]

Announcer: He'll blow you over the edge... with "The Abacus Conundrum".

[ dissolve to close-up of Harlan Kane ]

Harlan Kane: Did you buckle up yet?

[ dissolve to more book covers ]

Announcer: "The Nostradamus Mechanism", "The Godiva Gyroscope", "The Pokemon Directive".

[ dissolve to close-up of Harlan Kane smirking ]

Announcer: And now, Harlan Kane has crafted his most brilliant adventure yet!

[ cut to Harlan Kane jumping from the excitement of reading his own book ]

Harlan Kane: Whoa-oa! [ laughing ] Didn't see that coming! [ he holds his composure and smirks ]

[ dissolve to more book covers ]

Announcer: The acclaimed visionary behind "The Vespucci Containment", "The Grimmelman Mosaic", and "The Marmaduke Betrayal".

[ dissolve to new book cover ]

Announcer: And now... "The Abacus Conundrum".

[ cut to Harlan Kane still reading his own book ]

Harlan Kane: A lot of good words in this book.

[ dissolve to more book covers ]

Announcer: AND... in January 2011... get ready for: "The Picasso Imbroglio", "The Brenda Effect", "The Fuddruckers Ultimatum", AND "Mac for Dummies".

[ dissolve to close-up of Harlan Kane smirking and moving his head around ]

Announcer: ALL from visionary author Harlan Kane!

[ dissolve to new book cover ]

Announcer: "The Abacus Conundrum".

[ dissolve to Harlan Kane shrugging his shoulders ]

Harlan Kane: I don't know. People keep reading them!

[ dissolve to new book cover, with "$8.99 at Rite-Aid" tag ]

Announcer: Available EVERYWHERE!

[ fade ]


SNL Transcripts