Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 9


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:

Bit Players:


December 11th, 2010

Paul Rudd

Paul McCartney

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A Message from the President of the United States
Summary: After being held hostage by the Republican Party, President Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) willingly authorizes tax cuts for the rich.

Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama.

Transcript


Montage


Paul Rudd's Monologue
Summary: Paul Rudd mistakenly thought fans chanting "Paul! Paul!" outside the building were interested in him, until he realizes his musical guest is Paul McCartney.

Transcript


Feline Culinary Creations
Summary: Succulent gourmet dishes are used as the inspiration for the wet square glop that ends up in finicky cats' dinner bowls.

Note: This ad parody was cut from the dress rehearsals of the last two episodes.

Transcript


Vogelchecks
Summary: The affectionate Vogelcheck Family (Fred Armisen, Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, Paul Rudd) greet Romanian relatives (Nasim Pedrad, Paul Brittain) with wet, sloppy kisses over Christmas.

Recurring Characters: Mr. Vogelcheck, Mrs. Vogelcheck, Dwayne Vogelcheck, Santa Claus.


What's That Name?
Summary: Game show contestants (Paul Rudd, Vanessa Bayer) recognize third-tier celebrities, but can't recall the little people like a building doorman (Kenan Thompson) and cleaning lady (Kristen Wiig) who are a part of their daily lives.

Note: This sketch was cut from the dress rehearsal of last month's episode hosted by Scarlett Johansson.

Transcript


An SNL Digital Short
Summary: Andy Samberg and Paul Rudd are "Stumblin'" through life, with a tiny harmonica interlude courtesy of Paul McCartney.


Julian Assange in Prison
Summary: From prison, WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange (Bill Hader interrupts a MasterCard ad to threaten his return to do personal harm against favorite Internet web sites.

Recurring Characters: Julian Assange.

Transcript


Sexually Speaking
Summary: Aggressive producer Roger Brush (Fred Armisen) fills in when the regular female host is too ill to do the show.

Recurring Characters: Roger Brush.

Transcript


Paul McCartney performs "Jet"
Lyrics


Weekend Update with Seth Meyers
Summary: Paul McCartney join Seth Meyers for a Weekend Update Audio Caption by Prince Charles and Camilla. Stefon (Bill Hader) lists more inappropriate New York hotspots for families on Christmas vacation.

Recurring Characters: Stefon.

Transcript


Holiday Jam
Summary: Math teacher (Paul Rudd) makes bad puns as the school principal (Jay Pharoah) gets overemotional about the school mascot.


Meryl Streep On Ice
Summary: Despite lack of experience, Meryl Streep (Abby Elliott) is a beloved genius when she straps on a pair of ice skates and performs at Madison Square Garden.

Recurring Characters: Meryl Streep.

Transcript


Paul McCartney performs "Band on the Run"
Lyrics


Broadway Cares
Summary: Paul Rudd's efforts to perform a solo from "Cabaret" is interrupted by stagehand Jeff's (Jason Sudeikis) antics with the spotlight.

Recurring Characters: Mike Underballs, Jeff.

Transcript


Paul McCartney performs "A Day in the Life" / "Give Peace a Chance"
Lyrics


Goodnights / Paul McCartney performs "Get Back"
Transcript






Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Baby, It's Cold Outside
Summary: A couple (Paul Rudd, Kristen Wiig) sing a Christmas ditty to one another.


Job Fair
Summary: Recruiters (Jason Sudeikis, Nasim Pedrad) interview a series of nervous and/or weird people and Paul McCartney for an available computer job.


Blackjack
Summary: Blackjack dealer doesn't properly deal the cards to players.


The Giving Tree
Summary: Storyteller (Paul Rudd) goes nuts while reading a Christmas story to kids.



SNL Transcripts