Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 36: Episode 8

10i: Paul Rudd / Paul McCartney

Paul Rudd's Monologue

.....Paul Rudd
.....Paul McCartney
.....Paul Brittain

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen -- Paul Rudd!

Paul Rudd: Thank you! Wow! Whoo! Thank you, thank you, thank you SO much! It is so great to be hosting "Saturday Night Live" for the second time! The first time, I was nervous. But, uh, I must have sone something right because, this time, when I walked into the studio, there were all these people lined up in the freezing cold, chanting "Paul! Paul! Paul!" All for me -- Paul Rudd! And those fans, they're intense. One lady sat there crying, just because she was, like, in my presence. Can you imagine? Then someone yelled out "Yesterday!" [ he shrugs ] Which I guess it was a reference to this NPR interview I gave yesterday. I didn't even think anyone was listening to that! To be hoest, though, some of those fans know a little too much about me. Uh -- one guy screamed out: "Her Majesty!" Which, uh, is my nickname on movie sets by the crew. I don't know how he found out about it. Internet, I guess. But, most of all, they were just screaming my name: "Paul! Paul! Paul!" It was an INCREDIBLE experience --

[ the audience screams and cheers wildly as Paul McCartney appears onstage and shakes Rudd's hand ]

Paul Rudd: It's really amazing to be here with you, Sir Paul -- [ a light goes on in his head ] OHHHH!!! Oh, I know -- right! They were cheering for you. They were cheering for you.

Paul McCartney: Well, I was cheering for you. I LOVED "Role Models".

Paul Rudd: Awwww! That's... that's so nice! Oh, thank you so much. No disrespect, man -- I'm just glad to clear up this whole "Paul" business.

[ Paul Brittain appears onstage ]

Paul Brittain: Yo, yo, yo! Featured player Paul Brittain is in the mother-freakin' house! [ the audience obliges him with applause ] Yeah! Yeah! And, uh, people -- [ he notices Rudd's cold stare ] Oh. Oh. Right.

[ Paul Brittain exits quickly ]

Paul McCartney: He seemed nice.

Paul Rudd: Yeah. He's new. [ to the audience ] Well, anyway... we've got a great show.

Paul McCartney: And all sorts of Pauls are here!

[ the audience cheers ]

Paul Rudd: Stick around, we'll be right back!

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