Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 8












10i: Paul Rudd / Paul McCartney

Meryl Streep On Ice

Meryl Streep.....Abby Elliott
Woman #1.....Vanessa Bayer
Man #1.....Paul Brittain
Man #2.....Jason Sudeikis
Man #3.....Taran Killam

[ open on intercut close-up footage of an ice skater preparing for a performance ]

Announcer: This holiday season, at Madison Square Garden. There's only one show... one skater... that families everywhere are flocking to see.

[ pan upward on skates to reveal: ]

Announcer: Meryl Streep... On Ice.

Meryl Streep: [ with mock humility ] Oh -- STOP it! [ she shakes her head ]

[ reveal wide angle footage of Meryl Streep ice skating ]

Announcer: She mastered the stage... the screen... and now Meryl Streep takes to the rink.

[ cut to close-up of Meryl Streep as she holds a wine glass ]

Meryl Streep: Like it's anything! I'm just... having fun!

[ wide angle footage of Meryl Streep performing a complicated move ]

Meryl Streep: I've skated twice.. in my life! [ she chuckles ]

[ wide angle footage of Meryl Streep performing a complicated move ]

[ cut to audience testimonials ]

Woman #1: It was... UNBELIEVABLE!

Man #1: BETTER than "Sophie's Choice"!

[ cut to Man #2 ]

Man #2: [ emotional ] All of a sudden, she was out there -- a-a-and I didn't even know she could skate! And, uh -- [ gasping as he fights a tear ] I don't know why I'm getting emotional! [ he laughs ]

[ cut to kids ]

Kids: MERYL!! MERYL!! MERYL!! MERYL!!

[ cut to Man #2 ]

Man #2: [ tearing up ] I'm sorry!

[ cut to Man #3 ]

Man #3: Uhh -- th bitch can SKATE!

[ wide angle footage of Meryl Streep performing a complicated move ]

Announcer: It's Meryl Streep like you've NEVER seen her before.

[ cut to close-up of Meryl Streep as she holds a wine glass at a dinner table ]

Meryl Streep: I just... GET on the ice and GO! [ she chuckles and shakes her head at the idea ]

[ wide angle footage of Meryl Streep performing a complicated move ]

Announcer: Meryl Streep On Ice. Choreography by Nancy Meyers.

[ cut to kids ]

Kids: WE LOVE MERYL!!

[ fade ]


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