Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 10








10j: Jeff Bridges / Eminem & Lil Wayne

Jeff Bridges' Monologue

.....Jeff Bridges
Cookie Monster.....David Rudman

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen -- Jeff Bridges!

Jeff Bridges: It's great to be here! You know, the last time I hosted this show was in 1983. Can you believe that? I guess I did a pretty good job, considering how fast they had me back!

Mostly I've been making movies for the last 27 years. And I've been bless to play a lot of amazing roles in some great films. But, of all those roles, the one I get recognized for the most is "The Dude". But I got to say, it's king of a bummer man 'cause, you know, that not me, right? Because "The Dude", he's a character, right? And I'm... I'm Jeff Bridges. A real person! Yeah? For instance, "The Dude", he has uh... he has trouble expressing himself, right? And I ... I don't!

So yeah! I'm back, I'm excited, and I'm even more excited that it's Christmas, and Christmas, it's about giving, it's about friends, right? And I've got a really dear friend who always wanted to be on this show, and I thought it would be really nice if we made his Christmas wish come true. Some come on out buddy. Come on out.

(Cookie monster appears next to Jeff)

Cookie Monster: Dum-dee-dum-dee-dum! Hey! Hi!

Jeff Bridges: It's the cookie monster!

Cookie Monster: Hey, What's up, "The Dude"!

Jeff Bridges: Come on! I'm not "The Dude"!

Cookie Monster: Me joking! Me joking!

Jeff Bridges: Nah, he's always bustin' my chops. Hey, Cookie! You want to do a tune?

Cookie Monster: Oh, me would love that!

(Jeff Bridges gets a guitar, Cookie Monster gets his harmonica, they start playing "Silver Bells", and sing at the same time)

Jeff Bridges: City Sidewalks, busy sidewalks, dressed in holiday style.

Cookie Monster: (Spoken) yeah.

Jeff Bridges: (sung) in the air there's a feeling of Christmas.

Cookie Monster: (spoken) very nice.

Jeff Bridges: (sung) Children laughing,

Cookie Monster: (sung) People passing,

Both: Meeting smile after smile
And on every street corner, you hear:

Jeff Bridges: Silver Bells

Cookie Monster: Silver Bells

Jeff Bridges: Silver Bells

Cookie Monster: Silver Bells

Both: It's Christmas time in the city

Jeff Bridges: Ring-a-ling

Cookie Monster: Ring-a-ling

Jeff Bridges: Hear them ring

Cookie Monster: Hear them ring

Both: Soon it will be Christmas day!

(music continues playing)

Jeff Bridges: (Spoken) So Cook,

Cookie Monster: (Spoken) Yeah?

Jeff Bridges: What do you want for Christmas, man?

Cookie Monster: An iPad!

Jeff Bridges: Really!?

Cookie Monster: No me kidding! A COOKIE!

Jeff Bridges: (sung) Streets of streetlights, even stoplights, blink bright red and green

Both: (sung) As the shoppers run home with their treasure

Jeff Bridges: Hear the snowcones

Cookie Monster: See the kids' bunch

Both: This is Santa's big scene
And above all the bustle you'll hear:

Cookie Monster: (spoken) What?

Jeff Bridges: Silver Bells

Cookie Monster: BOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOING!

Jeff Bridges: Silver Bells

Cookie Monster: BONGBONGBONGBONGBONG!

Both: (sung) It's Christmas time in the city

Jeff Bridges: Ring-a-ling

Cookie Monster: A-Ring-A-Ring-A-r=Ring-A-Ring-A-Ring!

Jeff Bridges: (with Chorus) Hear them ring

Cookie Monster: Ring-a-ding-ding!

Both: (with Chorus) Soon it will be Christmas day!

Jeff Bridges:(without Chorus) Silver Bells

Cookie Monster: Silver Bells

Jeff Bridges: (with Chorus) Silver Bells

Cookie Monster: Silver Bells

Both: (Without Chorus) Soon it will be Christmas Day!

(end of song)

Jeff Bridges: (spoken) Hey Cookie!

Cookie Monster: (spoken) what?

Jeff Bridges: I got a present for you man.

Cookie Monster: Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy a present! Oh boy oh boy oh...

Jeff Bridges: (he presents one half of a chocolate chip cookie taken out of his back pocket, Cookie monster gasps as he sees it) What do you think huh? Not only half, but a whole cookie!

(He gives both pieces to Cookie Monster)

Cookie Monster: Twice as good! Cookie! (He eats the cookie. Jeff Laughs.)

Jeff Bridges: We got a great show for you tonight! Eminem and Lil' Wayne are here!

Cookie Monster: Me love Eminem!

Jeff Bridges: Oh well! You're in luck! Stick around, we'll be right back!


Submitted by: Raffi


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