Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 36: Episode 11

10k: Jim Carrey / The Black Keys

Grady Wilson's Tantric 'n Tasty

Grady Wilson.....Kenan Thompson
Leelicious.....Jim Carrey

Grady Wilson: Well, hello! Let me ask you a personal question. How’s your love life? A little stale? Well I’m Grady Wilson here to say that variety makes everything most spicy. You and your spouse wouldn’t have the same meal every day for dinner. So why do the same thing over and over in the bedroom? Get the full spectrum with this DVD, “Grady Wilson’s Tantric ‘n Tasty.” I’ve been all over the world exploring new sexual techniques for your marriage. I’m ready to share them with you!

With moves like “The Ben & Jerry’s.”

(cut to Grady demonstrating in his garage)

Grady Wilson: Now you wanna walk up to the counter, pick yourself out a flavor, and then just scoop it out, (he thrusts) scoop it out, oh, that’s good. Scoop it out!

Grady Wilson V/O: “The Mission Impossible.”

Grady Wilson: Don’t touch the floor, now! Don’t touch it! Ahhhh!!!!! Alert! We-ooo-we-ooo-we-oo! Lock it down!

Grady Wilson V/O: And “The Slumdog Millionaire.”

Grady Wilson: Ji ho! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Ji ho! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

(cut back to Grady hosting the infomercial)

Grady Wilson,/b>: Mmm! Tasty! You’re asking how did I learn all of these moves? Well it came from a special friend. Come on in here. This is Leelicious!

Leelicious: Nom-ous-a!

Grady Wilson: It is nasty! Lee is an erotic sholmen. We met at the Baltimore Podiatry Institute when we both audited in a class in ladies foot care. Lee has been to India three times.

Leelicious: Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo whoo! Mishanicosros.

Grady Wilson: And he can show you some of the freakiest eastern techniques ever! Things like…

(cut to Grady and Leelicious demonstrating in his garage)

Leelicious V/O: “The Oil Rig.”

Leelicious: Now for this one we go just off the coast. And put our driblet down. Pump it! Pump it! Pump it! Pump it! Pump it! Lot of fun, but, if it bursts you’re going to need a lot of clean up.

Leelicious V/O: “The Market Fluxuation.”

Leelicious: Stocks are rising and then they plunge. Stocks are rising and then they plunge. You think you’re safe and then you’re screwed. And over and over and over and over!

Leelicious V/O: “The Sneaky Baboon.”

Leelicious: Hoo hoo hoo hoo! Do pop in for a kwiki and then hoo hoo hoo hoo! And you’re back in the trees!

Grady Wilson: Woo! Now that’s taking the bootie to exotic places! There’s even techniques for groups.

Grady Wilson V/O: Like the “Two Lumberjacks.”

Grady Wilson: Okay, now for this one you wanna put your partner in the middle grab hands and then use yourself. Cut right through that! Cut it down! Is your tree down yet?

Leelicious: No!!!!

Grady Wilson: Is the tree down yet?

Leelicious: Almost!!!!

Grady Wilson: Aww!!! There she goes!!

Grady Wilson V/O: “The Endless Clown Car.”

Grady/Lee: Dee! De! Dee! De! Dee! De! Dee! De! Dee!

Leelicious: So many clowns!

Grady/Lee: Dee! De! Dee! De! Dee! De! Dee! De! Dee!

Grady Wilson V/O: “The Elliptical Machine.”

Grady Wilson: Alright now for this one someone has to be the elliptical. You put your partner in the middle, climb on and grab the legs and just climb the heat climb the heat now you’re getting to cross country!

Grady Wilson V/O: “The Wrath of Ganesh.”

Grady Wilson: Oh! You have anger, Ganesh?

Leelicious: Now you will get the truck.

(return to Grady and Leelicious hosting the infomercial)

Grady Wilson: Hahaha! Now, that’s tantric tastic! Call today for Grady Wilson’s “Tantric ‘n Tasty.” And stimulate your stockman’s today. O!

Submitted by: Connor Cronholm

SNL Transcripts