Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 36: Episode 11

10k: Jim Carrey / The Black Keys

The Worst of Soul Train

Coughy Robinson.....Bobby Moynihan
Shooting Starr.....Jay Pharoah
Gary St. Marvelous.....Andy Samberg
Maxwell family member.....Kenan Thompson
Triangle Sally.....Kristen Wiig
Ricky.....Nasim Pedrad
Bro-Botix member.....Taran Killam
Bro-Botix member.....Paul Brittain
Ocean Billy.....Jason Sudeikis
D’Versity.....Jim Carrey

Announcer 1: The following is a paid advertisement for Time Life’s DVD collection.

Announcer 2: It was the must see, and most important, urban music show ever! It was the hippest group in America. It was the “Soul Train!”

Coughy Robinson: Hello! Welcome back to our celebration of “Soul Train!” I’m Smokey Robison’s white, half-brother, Coughy Robinson. For those of you loved our 8-disc collection, “The Best of Soul Train,” but weren’t satisfied with only 120 hours of footage, we are now proud to present “The Worst of Soul Train!” Featuring all the acts from the 70’s and 80’s that you tried to forget. Like Shooting Starr, with their song “Rheumatoid Arthritis.”

Shooting Starr: (sing) I got pain in my joints! Saying ow, ow, ow! I got swelling in my knees saying ow, ow, ow! My arthritis is acting up! Ow! Ow! Ow! Owwww!

Coughy Robinson: (speak) Or how about Disco Blip, Gary St. Marvelous with “I Saw You.”

Gary St. Marvelous: (sing) And I turned around, there on the ground. I saw you. I just saw my best friend die on the dance floor!

Coughy Robinson: (speak) And don’t forget all twenty-six member of the Maxwell family performing there hit “Only One Bathroom.”

Maxwell family member: (sing) There’s only one bathroom, and there’s twenty-six of us! I only get to shower, every other month! Why did my parents keep on having kids? Out house is stinky.

Coughy Robinson: (speak) And maybe you’ll remember Triangle Sally with her only recorded song “I Have a Triangle.”

Sally: (She does silly dance moves. She hits the triangle twice.)

Coughy Robinson: Triangle Sally – Triangle Sally died halfway through that song. And we did not edit it out. And there are many more non-legends from the 70’s and 80’s like “Daddy Big Hat & Cheryl,” “Klamydia,” “Del Newbornz,” and “Gary Arbramowitz.” Plus there are interviews with some of the original Soul Train dancers.

Ricky: What?! Yeah hi!! Ok! Yeah! Hi! Oh! Ok! What?!

Coughy Robinson: And of course there are even worse bands. Like this space-age mess called Bro-Botix.

Bro-Botix member 1: (sing) Does a robot… drink champagne?

Bro-Botix member 2: Yes a robot… drinks champagne!

Coughy Robinson: (speak) That was the entire song. And if you liked Billy Ocean you will dislike Ocean Billy. With “Get Out of My Car and in to My Trunk.”

Ocean Billy: (sing) Get out of my car! Get in to my trunk! (shout) I said get in the trunk!

Coughy Robinson: (speak) That guy was a real tick ‘n time bomb. And of course there was the man himself, D’Versity, with a magical little number called “I Just Need One.”

D’Versity: (sing) Girl, we’ve been together, such a long, long time! And when you’re near me, my heart does shine. So I’ve got to ask before we stop, it’s a question straight from my heart, can I see one titty? Oh!!! Girl!! Just give me one titty!!!! Oooo!! (speak) I just wanna see one of your titty’s girl.

Coughy Robinson: So why wait? Order “The Very Worst of Soul Train” today! Or they’ll kill me!!!

Submitted by: Connor Cronholm

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