Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 14


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:







Bit Players:


February 5th, 2011

Dana Carvey

Linkin Park

None

Mike Myers

Jon Lovitz

Justin Bieber

Jesse Eisenberg

None

Wayne's World
Summary: Wayne (Mike Myers) and Garth (Dana Carvey) make their Oscar picks and laugh about "The Winter's Bone".

Recurring Characters: Wayne Campbell, Garth Algar.

Transcript


Montage


Dana Carvey's Monologue
Summary: Dana Carvey sings about how the 1986-93 cast he was a part of was the best cast in SNL's history.

Transcript


I-Sleep Pro
Summary: Business traveler (Kenan Thompson) is unable to fall asleep unless he can drift off to the sounds of familiar "black noise".

Note: Repeat from 10b.


Church Chat
Summary: The Church Lady (Dana Carvey) mocks the Kardashian sisters (Nasim Pedrad, Vanessa Bayer, Abby Elliott), arranges an ill-fated exorcism upon Snooki (Bobby Moynihan), and fawns over Justin Bieber.

Recurring Characters: Church Lady, Kim Kardashian, Snooki.


Celebrity Teen Crisis Center
Summary: Oblivious celebrities man the phones at a teen crisis center.

Recurring Characters: Alan Alda, Mickey Rooney, Anna Faris, Eddie Murphy.

Transcript


The Roommate
Summary: In a theatrical film trailer, Justin Bieber discovers his news college roommate (Andy Samberg) harbors an insane obsession for him.


Linkin Park performs "Waiting for the End"


Weekend Update with Seth Meyers
Summary: Seth Meyers outlines the "Winners/Losers" in Egypt this week. James Franco (Paul Brittain) has many jobs. Meteorologist/former disco queen Angela Dixon (Kristen Wiig) attempts to deliver a winter weather update.


Live with Regis and Kelly
Summary: The announcement of Regis Philbin's (Dana Carvey) retirement causes Kathie Lee Gifford (Kristen Wiig) to upstage his final moments with a song.

Recurring Characters: Regis Philbin, Kelly Ripa, Kathie Lee Gifford.

Transcript


Little Miss Little Girl Pageant
Summary: Foppish co-hosts (Kenan Thompson, Dana Carvey) preside over a pageant for preschool-aged little girls.


Deidra Wurtz: Downsizing Expert
Summary: Downsizing expert Deidra Wurtz (Abby Elliott) will deliver bad news with ease and Valley girl vernacular.


Linkin Park performs "When They Come For Me"


Fingerlings
Summary: Bar owner (Taran Killam) pulls no stops for the ultimate Super Bowl party, including performances by his wife's brother's band (Dana Carvey, Fred Armisen).


Goodnights
Transcript






Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Al Jazeera on Egypt
Summary: As his interpretor (Nasim Pedrad) translates, Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak (Fred Armisen) discusses the growing calamanities in his country.

Recurring Characters: Hosni Mubarak.


The Visitor
Summary: President Obama and Joe Biden try to steal guns from a couple (Dana Carvey, Vanessa Bayer).

Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama, Joe Biden.


The Kasems
Summary: Casey Kasem (Dana Carvey) discusses the pop charts with his former druggie brother Jasey.

Recurring Characters: Casey Kasem.



SNL Transcripts