Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 14










10n: Dana Carvey / Linkin Park

Wayne's World

Wayne Campbell.....Mike Myers
Gath Algar.....Dana Carvey

[ open on Cable 10 card ]

Announcer: You're watching Cable 10, Aurora, Illinois cable access channel.

[ dissolve to "Wayne's World" basement set ]

Wayne & Garth:
"Wayne's World!
Wayne's World!
Party Time!
Excellent!"

Wayne Campbell: PARRRRRRRRRTYYYYYYY!!! Alright!

Garth Algar: Yeah!

Wayne Campbell: Party hearty! It's Friday, it's 10:30, it's time to party! I'm your excellent host, Wayne Campbell. With me, as always, is Garth.

Garth Algar: Party on, Wayne!

Wayne Campbell: Party on, Garth! Okay! So, Garth -- what's been going on?

Garth Algar: Well, as you may remember the last time you saw me, I got pubes!

Wayne Campbell: Good! Yeah! Good work, my friend!

Garth Algar: What's been going on with you, Wayne?

Wayne Campbell: Well, last month, strangely enough, a monkey literally flew out of my butt!

Garth Algar: No way!

Wayne Campbell: Waaaay!

Garth Algar: No waaaay!

Wayne Campbell: WAY!!

Garth Algar: Alright!

Wayne Campbell: Okay! That was fun!

Garth Algar: Good!

Wayne Campbell: Alright!

Garth Algar: Love that way!

Wayne Campbell: It was good! Okay! It's Oscar time, so now we bring you... our Oscar picks.

Together:
"It's Wayne's World!
Oscar Picks!
Party Time!
Excellent!"

Wayne Campbell: Alright!

Garth Algar: Alright!

Wayne Campbell: What a year in film it's been.

Garth Algar: Really.

Wayne Campbell: Yeah. A veritible feast for the cinephile amongst us.

Garth Algar: Yes! And, best of all, this year there was a movie called... [ he holds up film poster ] "Winter's Bone"!

[ Wayne and Garth laugh amongst themselves ]

Wayne Campbell: Seriously, people! We didn't make it up! The film is called "Winter's Bone"! Garth -- Garth -- have you seen it?

Garth Algar: Uh -- no. My mom wouldn't let me.

Wayne Campbell: Your mom? How old are you?

Garth Algar: [ in close-up ] It was never determined.

Wayne Campbell: Okay! Let's go to our picks for Best Actor.

Garth Algar: I liked [ pronounced with the "J" ] Javiar Bardam.

Wayne Campbell: Actually, Garth -- it's pronounced Havier Bardam.

Garth Algar: Oh. Well, excuse me. I feel like a total... herk-off!

Wayne Campbell: Alright! Let's go to Best Actress. Natalie Portman is SO hot... in "Black Swan".

Garth Algar: Yeah. She's so hot, I could make a Mila out of her Kunis!

Wayne Campbell: [ stunned ] Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Garth Algar: I don't kiss my mom on the mouth!

Wayne Campbell: Really? Everyone else does!

Garth Algar: Hey! That's my mom you're talking about!

Wayne Campbell: I owned you! I'm sorry about that!

Garth Algar: Come on, it's my mom! I only have one!

Wayne Campbell: I know! Okay, our Oscar pick for Best Actress goes to Jennifer Lawrence... from "Winter's Bone". And, why?

[ Wayne and Garth lean in for close-up with SUPER ]

Together: "Winter's Bone"!

Wayne Campbell: This film has not yet been rated. Okay!

Garth Algar: Alright!

Wayne Campbell: Now, Best Supporting Actor. And the Oscar pick goes to... John Hocks.

Garth Algar: Oh, really? What movie is he in?

[ Wayne and Garth lean in for close-up with SUPER ]

Together: "Winter's Bone"!

Wayne Campbell: This film has not yet been seen.

Garth Algar: Okay!

Wayne Campbell: Let's talk about the Oscar hosts, okay? The Oscar host. James Franco... and Anne Hathaway.

Garth Algar: Yeah! Anne hath a way... of giving me a bone!

[ they snicker at the joke, then lean in for close-up with SUPER ]

Together: "Winter's Bone"!

Wayne Campbell: This joke has been done three times. Okay!

Garth Algar: Alright!

Wayne Campbell: Now, Best Picture. There's ten nominees. You know? So it's a tough one this year.

Garth Algar: Let's start with... "The Fighter".

Wayne Campbell: I loved Marky Mark in this, especially with his shirt off. I thought he was super sexy.

Garth Algar: [ stunned ] What?!

Wayne Campbell: Sorry. That was an "inside thought." Okay. Alright!

Garth Algar: Alright! Okay!

Wayne Campbell: Moving on! "The King's Speech". This is the film where Colin Firth and Helena Bonham Carter are a [ stuttering ] c-c-c-c-couple... and in the end they get together and they f-f-f-f-forgive each other!

Garth Algar: Yeah! In the BUTT!

[ they snicker at the joke ]

Wayne Campbell: That was well deconstructed! Well deconstructed!

Garth Algar: Yeah!

Wayne Campbell: Okay! "Toy Story 3".

Garth Algar: I can't believe a teenage boy doesn't want to play with his Woody any more!

Wayne Campbell: Yeah. Not believable. Not believable. No. not really.

Garth Algar: Next: "127 Hours".

Wayne Campbell: Well, that was some good, armless fun. Armless fun!

Garth Algar: Yeah! 'Cause her arm, remember?

Wayne Campbell: Yeah!

Garth Algar: Alright, okay! "True Grit". That's where Jeff Bridges has an eyepatch.

Wayne Campbell: You know, I may be damning this with faint praise, but I think it was my favorite cycloptic performance of the year.

Garth Algar: Uh, techincally, just because he has an eyepatch... doesn't mean he's a cyclops.

Wayne Campbell: Oh. Well, thank you, Garth. Yeah, annerdsezwhat?

Garth Algar: What?

Wayne Campbell: A nerd... says what?

Garth Algar: What?

Wayne Campbell: Alango! [ he laughs ] Okay! Alright, next! "The Kids Are Alright".

Garth Algar: A lot of steamy action in THAT movie! Annette Bening on Julianne Moore, Julianne Moore on Mark Ruffalo...

Wayne Campbell: Wait -- she wasn't on Colin Firth?

Garth Algar: No.

Wayne Campbell: Then, who's on Firth?

Garth Algar: Naomi Watts.

Wayne Campbell: Watts on Firth?

Garth Algar: No.

Wayne Campbell: Then, who's on Firth?

Garth Algar: That's what I'm trying to tell you!

Together: And... scene!

Wayne Campbell: Okay!

Garth Algar: Okay!

Wayne Campbell: Alright!

Garth Algar: Alright!

Wayne Campbell: And our Oscar pick for Best Movie goes to... "The Social Network".

Garth Algar: NOT!!

Wayne Campbell: Yeah.

Garth Algar: The Oscar pick goes to...

Together: "LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!!"


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