Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 16
















10p: Miley Cyrus / The Strokes

The Miley Cyrus Show

Miley Cyrus.....Vanessa Bayer
Billy Ray Cyrus.....Jason Sudeikis
Justin Bieber.....Miley Cyrus
Swagger Coach.....Taran Killam

(opens with big banner saying ďThe Miley Cyrus ShowĒ)

Miley Cyrus: (singing) "I got guests and a show. And Iím ready to go! So I guess thatís pretty cool! Itís pretty cool!"

Miley Cyrus: (speaks) Shello! Itís Miley, yall! So this is like my show where I like talk to people that are pretty cool and weíll like talk about things that I think are pretty cool and yeah! Itís pretty cool! Weíve got the Miley Cyrus Band over here. We got my dad, Billy Ray Cyrus!

Billy Ray Cyrus: You are so special baby girl!

Miley Cyrus: Thanks dad. Ok so today for my comedy monologue I thought Iíd do one of my famous celebrity impressions. So Iím going to do an impression and see if you can guess who it is. (impersonating Charlie Sheen) Hey, so Iím like the star of Two and a half men and Iím completely crazy and Iíve done a bunch of interviews lately and stuff like that and Iím Charlie Sheen, yall! Ok, so that was me doing an impression of Charlie Sheen. I thought it was pretty funny.

Billy Ray Cyrus: Ho, ho, ho, ho! I love your impressions baby, youíre like a pretty little Darrell Hammond!

Miley Cyrus: Shwatever dad! So, my guest tonight is a lot like me by whih I mean pretty cool. Please welcome, you guessed it, Justin Bieber! Hey Justin!

Justin Bieber: Hey Miley! Itís a cool show!

Miley Cyrus: Really?!

Justin Bieber: Yeah, weíll see.

Miley Cyrus: Okay, so, Justin, what have you been up to lately?

Justin Bieber: You know Iím just chillin' right now. Wink, cocky head, points.

Miley Cyrus: Wow! Justin Bieber, where do you get all of those cool moves?

Justin Bieber: You know, I brought my Swagger coach. (reveal his couch offstage) Thanks B-Bop!

Miley Cyrus: Thatís pretty cool! Wait a minute! Justin Bieber, did you cut your hair?

Justin Bieber: Yeah ya know, itís just an image change. I also do the middle finger now.

Miley Cyrus: So youíre growing upm like me doing Salvia! Did you know I smoked Salvia?

Justin Bieber: You know thereís no reason why you wouldnít, because itís totally legal, yo!

Miley Cyrus: Now Justin, I knew you were gonna be a big star ever since we met it 2006. We actually have a picture from that day. Can we show it? (show picture of teenaged Miley holding a baby Bieber) So thatís pretty cool! So, how do you like the show so far, Justin?

Justin Bieber: Itís okay.

Miley Cyrus: Would you say itís pretty cool?

Justin Bieber: No, actually, I wouldnít say that.

(Miley stares down Bieber)

Billy Ray Cyrus: Woo-hoo! It's a Mexcan stand-off, if the Mexicans were tiny, talented geniuses!

Justin Bieber: MR. CYRUS!!!!!!!!!!

Miley Cyrus: DAD!!!!!!! So, Justin Bieber, there is something Iíve always wanted to ask you. Like, what is your favorite album? And what is Canada like? And do you speak Canadian? And does Usher have to seek people at his own concerts because heís an usher? And do you really never say never? And have you gone through puberty?

Justin Bieber: All I have to say to that is wink, chin.

Miley Cyrus: Now Justin, you recently released a 3-D movie about youíre life called ďNever Say Never.Ē Which is really cool, cause, I just made my own 3-D movie about my life and how I got started and letís see a clip!

Billy Ray Cyrus: Is she awake? Hey Miley! Howís my little angel baby?

Miley Cyrus: O-my-god! This is like so insightful cause Iím a baby but Iím already super talented and stuff like that and this is like super cool home video footage and this is all so goo goo gag a! In 3-D!

Miley Cyrus: So thatís the clip what did you think?

Justin Bieber: I thought it was pretty cool! I mean ugh ugh it was cool!

Miley Cyrus: Well thatís our show everybody! C-mon Justin! Hit it dad!

Miley Cyrus & Justin Bieber: (singing) "I got guests! And a show! And Iím ready to go! So, I guess thatís pretty cool! Itís pretty cool!"


Submitted by: Connor Cronholm


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