Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 36: Episode 21

This free script provided by

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

May 14th, 2011

Ed Helms

Paul Simon


Chris Colfer

Lindsey Buckingham

John Hamm

Jimmy Fallon

Steve Carell

Stephen Colbert


The Situation Room
Summary: While delivering a speech on immigration, President Barack Obama instead overpats himself on the back for having killed Osama bin Laden.

Recurring Characters: Wolf Blitzer, President Barack Obama.



Ed Helms' Monologue
Summary: Ed Helms relates the tale of how he equated the art of baton-twirling with pursuing a career in show business.

Corn Syrup Producers of America
Summary: Moms (Nasim Pedrad, Kristen Wiig) disagree on the virtues of high-fructose corn syrup.

Note: Repeat from 10q.

What Up With That?
Summary: Diondre Cole (Kenan Thompson) interrupts musical greats Paul Simon, Chris Colfer, Lindsey Buckingham (Bill Hader) and another Lindsey Buckingham so he can continue singing his theme song.

Recurring Characters: Diondre Cole, Lindsey Buckingham.

TV Funhouse
Summary: In Robert Smigel's "The Ambiguously Gay Duo", superheroes Ace (Jon Hamm) and Gary (Jimmy Fallon) appear in the flesh after being zapped with a flesh ray by Bighead (Steve Carell), Dr. Brainio (Stephen Colbert), and Half Face (Ed Helms).


Paul Simon performs "Rewrite"

Weekend Update with Seth Meyers
Summary: Secondhand news correspondent Anthony Crispino (Bobby Moynihan) bungles more news stories. Will Smith (Jay Pharaoh) defends his actions of leaving his trailer on a Soho street by reminding people that things are always better in his presence. Garth (Fred Armisen) & Kat (Kristen Wiig) are ill-prepared to debut their new vacation-themed album.

Recurring Characters: Anthony Crispino, Will Smith, Garth, Kat.

Song Memories
Summary: Group of buddies (Jason Sudeikis, Bill Hader, Andy Samberg, Ed Helms) share stories while listening to Cat Stevens' "Wild World".

Recurring Characters: Bar Buddies.


One Take Tony
Summary: Charactor actor Tony Toluca (Andy Samberg) can perform all of his scenes in a single take, as long as the director (Ed Helms) never stops rolling the camera).

Recurring Characters: Louis Armstrong.

Paul Simon performs "So Beautiful Or So What"

Ann-Margret Tries To Throw Away A Wad Of Paper Into A Trashcan
Summary: Ann-MArgret (Kristen Wiig) dances all around the house in her pursuit to throw a wad of paper into a trash can for her beau (Ed Helms).

Recurring Characters: Ann-Margret.


Republican Candidate
Summary: A brief message of hope is delivered by a generic Republican candidate (Ed Helms).



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

A Message from the President of the United States
Summary: President Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) discusses shredding documents and burying them at sea.

Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama.

Summary: Elder reporter Herb Welch (Bill Hader) teeters through a live remote at a high school following a carbon monoxide scare.

Recurring Characters: Anchor, Herb Welch.

Note: This sketch will air on nexr week's episode hosted by Justin Timberlake.

Buchanan Brothers
Summary: Parents (Bill Hader, Kristen Wiig) prevent their daughter (Vanessa Bayer) from making out during the prom by placing the Buchanan Brothers' (Ed Helms, Taran Killan) turn-off music in her date's (Paul Brittain) car.


Sea Salt
Summary: Chef (Ed Helms) claims he can prevent health problems by cooking only with sea salt.

Summary: Hand-painted animals are used for making prank phone calls.

Google Interview
Summary: Google executive (Ed Helms) makes fun of applicant's (Andy Samberg) during an interview.

SNL Transcripts