Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 22








10v: Justin Timberlake / Lady Gaga

Justin Timberlake's Monologue

.....Justin Timberlake

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen -- Justin Timberlake!

Justin Timberlake: Wow! Wow! Thank you! Thank you! Wow! Thank you mom, I'm glad you're here tonight mom. Um.. here we are, I'm so excted to be hosting the seson finale of "Saturday Night Live". Now, in the past when I've hosted this show, I've also beeen the musical guest. But tonight is different. Okay? Tonight, Lady Gaga is here. Oh, I know yeah! And, ugh, I told Lorne this is great! Now thereís no pressure on me to sing because itís Gagaís moment. And then he said, "Youíll do one song, right?" And I said, "I donít think so." And he said, "Justin." And I said, "Lorne." And he said, "Please", and he said, "Justin", and I said, "Lorne", and he said, "Justin", and I said, "NO!... Lorne." And, finally, I realized I had to explain it in a way heíd understand.

[ singing]
"Iím not gonna sing tonight.
No, Iím not gonna sing tonight.
I know you want me to sing and dance around
but Iím gonna let down
'cause Iím not gonna sing tonight.

No Iím not gonna do that.
Just here to do the comedy thing.
And, Iím not gonna sing tonight.
Not gonna do that thing where my voice goes high!
Even though people love it.
Not gonna make the beat drop out.
Then bring it back in
'cause Iím not gonna sing tonight.

Not gonna slow it down a bit
And as I step off stage and make my way to a lady.
And sing to her like sheís the only one here tonight.
You are.
Not gonna do that thing where I sing to the lens without breaking eye contact.
Not gonna do my sexy voice or take a single sexy breath tonight.
Not gonna sing!
Iím not gonna sing!
No matter how much you cry!
I donít wanna sing!
Just let me do my thing.
And my thing ainít to sing, no!
Tonight!!!!!!!!
Tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
O!!!!!!

Not gonna do that thing where I take my jacket off and do a silly dance move.
And donít give me a pork-pied hat 'cause I wonít put it on tonight.
Not gonna do that thing where I shout out a place to get myself some cheaper beers!
Donít need to do that thing, 'cause Iím in New York City tonight!
Right? Anybody here from Jersey?
Huh? Alright!
So this will be fast.

Not gonna stand in the rain and sing a song like my heart's been broken.
I did that in a video once and Iím not gonna do it tonight.
Iím not gonna do that thing!
Iím not gonna do that sing!
Iím not gonna sing, said Iím not gonna sing, Iím not gonna sing....
TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Justin Timberlake: Lady Gaga is here! Stick around, weíve got a great show! Weíll be right back!


Submitted by: Connor Cronholm


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