Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 37: Episode 1

11a: Alec Baldwin / Radiohead

Red Flag Parfum

Woman.....Kristen Wiig
Men.....Andy Samberg, Taran Killam, Jason Sudeikis

[ open on attractive woman sauntering into a party atmosphere ]

Announcer: She can stop every conversation... just by entering the room.

[ all the men in the room turn their heads ]

Announcer: She can change your night... with a single look.

[ she stares one man down and makes her approach ]

Announcer: And if you ask her what she does... she'll tell you.

[ she leans into the man's ear and whispers: ]

Announcer: "I'm a dancer!"

Female Voiceover: Red... Flag...

Announcer: She's gorgeous... wealthy... a free spirit... and her ex-boyfriend was a club promoter.

Female Voiceover: Red... Flag...

Announcer: She knows exactly where to go... exactly what to do... and all her friends are dudes.

Female Voiceover: Red... Flag...

[ the woman sips champagne, then hands the glass over to another man ]

Announcer: She's exquisite... but she also lived in Vegas for eleven years.

[ the man sips the champagne, then spits it back into the glass and steps away ]

Female Voiceover: Red... Flag...

[ she attempts to make another man laugh by playing Peek-a-boo with the bottom of her dress ]

Announcer: She's funny... but not funny like "Ha ha!"... funny like "Yikes!"

[ she sticks her funger in the man's mouth, and he quickly gags it out ]

Female Voiceover: Red... Flag...

Announcer: And her pinky nail is waaay longer than her other nails.

[ she uses her pinky nail to scratch above her lip ]

Female Voiceover: That's a major Red Flag.

[ the woman dances wildly with an uncorked bottle of champagne, as the men look on in disgust ]

Announcer: Red Flag Parfum, by Chanel. The only perfume that warns men:

[ she turns to leave the party ]

Woman: I'm fucking crazy!

[ she runs from the party ]

Announcer: Red Flag.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts