Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 37: Episode 3

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

October 8th, 2011

Ben Stiller

Foster The People


Hugh Jackman

Kenny G


Mitt Romney Press Conference
Summary: Mitt Romney (Jason Sudeikis) desperately tries to keep the press interested in his bid for the Republican nomination, but they're saddened by the news that Chrie Christie (Bobby Moynihan) has decided not to run.

Recurring Characters: Mitt Romney.



Ben Stiller's Monologue
Summary: Famished from not eating al day because of Yom Kippur, Ben Stiller is treated to a delightful array of Jewish foods by the Jewish Willy Wonka (Andy Samberg).

Lincoln Financial Group
Summary: Financial investor (Jason Sudeikis) meets up with his future self and agrees to a make-out session.

Fox & Friends
Summary: Fox's morning pundits Steve Doocy (Taran Killam), Gretchen Carlson (Vanessa Bayer) and Brian Kilmeade (Bobby Moynihan) make random political statements and follow up on their earlier interview with a rowdy Hank Williams, Jr. (Jason Sudeikis).

Recurring Characters: Steve Doocy, Gretchen Carlson, Brian Kilmeade, Hank Williams, Jr., Lou.


Lincoln Financial Group II
Summary: Financial investor (Bill Hader) meets up with his future self and is grossed out by the prospect of a make-out session prior to his own suicide.

The Best of Both Worlds
Summary: Hugh Jackman (Andy Samberg) interviews more fellow actors who have tackled film roles that reveal two different sides of their personas.

Recurring Characters: Hugh Jackman, Nancy Grace, Clint Eastwood, Richie.

An SNL Digital Short
Summary: "V-Neck".

Hank Williams, Jr.
Summary: Hank Williams, Jr. (Jason Sudeikis) sings "All My Rowdy Friends" variant with the SNL Band as the show segues to a commercial.

Recurring Characters: Hank Williams, Jr.


Foster the People performs "Pumped Up Kicks"

Weekend Update with Seth Meyers
Summary: Put on the spot to explain her craft, party planner Nan Washingtom (Kristen Wiig) can only think of pancake-themed party ideas. Stefon (Bill Hader) outlines more inappropriate New York City clubs and introduces male model Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller).

Recurring Characters: Stefon.

Sexy Shana
Summary: At Halloween party, office workers (Andy Samberg, Kenan Thompson, Taran Killam) are enamored by Shana (Kristen Wiig) until she goes overboard with her sexy-gross party enjoyment techniques.

Recurring Characters: Shana.

Lincoln Financial Group III
Summary: Financial investor (Ben Stiller) meets up with his future transgendered self and agrees to a make-out session.

Columbus Day Assblast
Summary: DJ Super Soak (Jason Sudeikis) and Lil Blaster (Nasim Pedrad) promote the under-underground Columbus Day rock festival that features a low-key performance by spiritual advisor Eckhart Tolle (Ben Stiller).

Recurring Characters: DJ Super Soak, Lil Blaster, Ass Dan, MC George Castanza.


Bruce Springsteen: Just the Stories
Summary: A video collection of Bruce Springsteen (Ben Stiller) telling the mundane stories behind his songs.

Recurring Characters: Bruce Springsteen.


Foster the People with Kenny G performs "Houdini"

Summary: In a new movie trailer, a baseball coach (Taran Killam) improves the performance of his team by agreeing to let a dealer (Ben Stiller) inject them with steroids.


Transcript Monthly Coupon

Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Scared Straight
Summary: Hardcore inmates Lorenzo McIntosh (Kenan Thompson) and fellow criminal (Ben Stiller) try to scare a trio of young punks (Bobby Moynihan, Andy Samberg, Bill Hader) straight.

Recurring Characters: Lorenzo McIntosh, Officer Sikorsky.

Summary: An extreme home fitness demonstration.

Gaddaffi's Hideout
Summary: Muammer Gaddafi (Fred Armisen) hides in his cave and plays music.

SNL Transcripts