Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 37: Episode 12

11l: Daniel Radcliffe / Lana Del Rey

Glenda Okones for Mayor II

Glenda Okones.....Kristen Wiig

[ open on silent clip from previous Glenda Okones ad ]

Announcer: Glenda Okones claims she's a bad listener with a pointy face. But what isn't she telling us?

[ flash-cuto to Okones ]

Glenda Okones: I'm Glenda Okones, Glen Falls mayoral candidate. I claimed it was "all out there" in my last ad, but I'm calling B.S. on myself!

Announcer: B.S.!

Glenda Okones: That was not everything. I do have a few more flaws. Some say I'm abrasive. I am always honking. I'm a single mother of two girls -- I do love the youngest one more than the oldest. Yeah, yeah -- I know as a parent, you're not supposed to admit that... but for now my youngest is in the lead -- by a long shot! Environment? Don't care about it. If I see a spider, I'm gonna smash the SHIT out of it! If I see a bunny on my lawn, I'm gonna run after that freakin' thing with a HATCHET! And I won't have to get the hatchet, 'cause I carry one on me at all times.

Well, now you've definitely heard it all. Take it or leave -- I am naked in front of you. Not literally, thank heavens, 'cause let's just say I don't do any maintenance. Vote Okones.

Announcer: Glenda Okones for Mayor.

[ fade ]

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