Air Date: Host: Musical Guest: Special Guests: Cameos: Bit Players:

May 5th, 2012 Eli Manning Rihanna None Chris Snee David Baas David Diehl Shaun O'Hara Abby McGrew Sacha Baron Cohen Martin Scorcese None

Fox & Friends

Summary: Steve Doocy (Taran Killam), Gretchen Carlson (Vanessa Bayer) and Brian Kilmeade (Bobby Moynihan) criticize President Obama and annoy Rupert Murdoch (Fred Armisen) with their on-air errors. Recurring Characters: Steve Doocy, Gretchen Carlson, Brian Kilmeade, Rupert Murdoch. Transcript

Montage

Eli Manning's Monologue

Summary: To prove how well he's adjusted to life in New York City while a member of the Giants, Eli Manning gives off-course cultural and dining suggestions to the audience. Transcript

Amazon Kindle

Summary: This Mother's Day, give Mom the gift that keeps on giving -- "Fifty Shades of Grey" on Amazon Kindle, the perfect erotic literature to meet all of her masturbatory needs. Transcript

Motion Capture

Summary: Eli Manning fumbles big-time while recording his green-screen victory dance for EA Sports' "Madden NFL '13".

Text Message Evidence

Summary: Chad Kevin Jeremy (Eli Manning) attempts to prove his innocence during a murder trial by allowing his attorney (Jason Sudeikis) to read his flirtatious text messages dispensed at the time of the murder. Transcript

Little Brothers

Summary: Eli Manning acts as a volunteer liasion for boys who are routinely picked on by their mean older brothers. Transcript

WXPD News New York

Summary: Doddering field reporter Herb Welch (Bill Hader) is on the scene at an Occupy Wall Street protest. Recurring Characters: Jack Rizzoli, Wanda Ramirez, Herb Welch.

Rihanna performs "Birthday Cake/Talk That Talk"

Weekend Update with Seth Meyers

Summary: Overzealous tanning mom Patricia Krentcil (Kristen Wiig) has to repeatedly moisten her dry throat while defending her recent behavior. Admiral General Aladeen (Sacha Baron Cohen) plugs "The Dictator" and reveals that he has taken Martin Scorcese hostage.

What Is This?

Summary: Game show hostess Kimberly Clemens (Abby Elliott) takes advantage of her show's format to question her boyfriend Ryan Mack (Eli Manning) about the status of their fledgling relationship. Transcript

Helga Lately

Summary: The Swedish version of Chelsea Handler (Kate McKinnon) flirts with her guests and runs a promo for "Catch Up Mit Du Khlardashians". Recurring Characters: Kim Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian, Khloé Kardashian.

Rihanna performs "Where Have You Been?"

Miss Drag World 2012

Summary: Upset about coming in third place, Miss Chicken Fried Steak (Eli Manning) disrupts the rest of the pageant and steals the trophy.

Turner Classic Movies: The Essentials

Summary: Robert Osborne (Jason Sudeikis) discusses the brief screen career of Richard Armstrong (Eli Manning), the square third wheel who appeared in the early Cheech (Fred Armisen) & Chong (Bill Hader) movies. Recurring Characters: Robert Osborne.

Goodnights

Transcript

A Message from the President of the United States

Summary: President Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) urges voters to celebrate the one-year anniversay of Killing Osama bin Laden Day, and outlines the appropriate gifts each year the holiday is celebrated. Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama. Transcript