Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 37: Episode 21

11u: Will Ferrell / Usher

One-A-Day Extra Strength Nasaflu

Wife.....Kristen Wiig
Gary.....Will Ferrell

[ open on married couple sitting in bed; she is blowing her nose ]

Wife: My husband and I have been feeling a little under the weather. Por Gary has been sneezing all day. [ Gary nods ] But with four kids, a good night's sleep is essential. That's why we need a cold medicine that --

[ Gary breaks into a sneeze that erupts as a yell ]

Wife: [ startled ] That's why we need a cold medicine that works... and works fast! Many leading --

[ Gary again breaks into a sneeze that erupts as a yell ]

[ she catches her breath once more ]

[ cut to exterior hallway, as she starts over with Gary still in bed ]

Wife: As I was saying... With our busy lives, we can't wait 48 hours for symptom relief --

[ as she walks down the hall, Gary appears in an alcove and yell-sneezes once again ]

Wife: GARY!! That sneeze is OUTRAGEOUS!!

[ cut to Gary's wife locking herself in the bathroom ]

Wife: That's why our family always chooses the brand --

[ from the other side of the door, Gary yell-sneezes again ]

[ she thrusts the door open to reveal Gary standing there ]

Wife: You sound like a LUNATIC!! You're just SCREAMING! It is UNREAL! Just sneeze like a NORMAL person!

[ she turns around, as Gary yell-sneezes again ]

Wife: FUCK!! Gary!! [ she turns to the camera and smiles ] We always choose the brand that has been relied on --

[ Gary yells-sneezes again, then four times more ]

Wife: [ continuing ] for years --

[ Gary yell-sneezes yet again ]

[ she turns around and bitch-slaps Gary several times ]

[ cut to Gary lying in bed, as his wife pours Nasaflu into a glass of water ]

Wife: So try new One-A-Day Extra Strength Nasaflu. And don't get slowed down by a little sickness.

[ she drinks the medicine, but drops it all over herself when Gary yell-sneezes once more ]

[ cut to product close-up ]

Announcer: Nasaflu. For when you just --

[ the sound of Gary yell-sneezes erupts yet again, as the product flies off the nightstand ]

[ fade ]

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