Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 38: Episode 1

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

September 15th, 2012

Seth MacFarlane

Frank Ocean



John Mayer


Democratic Rally
Summary: Despite a lack of success in having run the country for four years, President Barack Obama (Jay Pharoah) is thrilled to have Mitt Romney (Jason Sudeikis) and Paul Ryan (Taran Killam) as the secret weapons that should help him get re-elected.

Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama, Mitt Romney.

Note: Jay Pharoah finally takes over the impression of President Barack Obama from Fred Armisen.



Seth MacFarlane's Monologue
Summary: Seth MacFarlane voices a conversation between his "Family Guy" characters, then sings a song.

Obama For America
Summary: Pro-Obama campaign ad features overexaggerated testimonials regarding Mitt Romney's behaavior.

Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama.


Sex After 50
Summary: Aggressive producer Roger Brush (Fred Armisen) fills in when the regular female host is too ill to do the show.

Recurring Characters: Roger Brush.

Eastwood and Chair
Summary: Following his appearance at the Republican National Convention, Clint Eastwood (Bill Hader) takes his chair and mock interviews with President Barack Obama on the road.

Recurring Characters: Clint Eastwood.


Summary: Sullen Lids employees (Taran Killam, Kenan Thompson) find their lives uplifted when Youtube performer Psy (Bobby Moynihan) and Turbo-Psy (Psy) dance among their store's merchandise.

Puppetry Class


Frank Ocean and John Mayer perform "Thinkin Bout You"

Weekend Update with Seth Meyers
Summary: Honey Boo Boo (Vanessa Bayer) and her mom (Bobby Moynihan) gab their thoughts about the upcoming Presidential election. Olympic athlete Ryan Lochte (Seth MacFarlane) is excited about the Fall season's new TV offerings. Mimi Morales (Cecily Strong) discusses the Latino vote at this year's Presidential election.

Drill Sergeant
Summary: Stutter-prone drill sergeant (Seth MacFarlane) taunts his soldiers with dares to call him on his stuttering.


Steve Harvey
Summary: Hosting his new afternoon talk show, Steve Harvey (Kenan Thompson) helps a dull man (Seth MacFarlane) spice up his love life by dressing just like him.

Recurring Characters: Steve Harvey.

First Date
Summary: Ryan (Seth MacFarlane) and his date (Nasim Pedrad) are all about doing voices to calm their nerves during their blind date.

Frank Ocean and John Mayer perform "Pyramids"

Wooden Spoon Warehouse
Summary: Ezekiel Yoder (Seth MacFarlane) and Elijah Yoder (Tim Robinson) recite the strange symbols of their product's new web address.



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

SNL Transcripts