Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 38: Episode 2

















12b: Joseph Gordon-Levitt / Mumford and Sons

Low-Information Voters Of America

Undecided Voter #1 (Catherine).....Cecily Strong
Undecided Voter #2 (David).....Taran Killam
Undecided Voter #3 (Andrea).....Nasim Pedrad
Undecided Voter #4 (Jonathan).....Bill Hader
Undecided Voter #5 (Ben).....Tim Robinson
Undecided Voter #6 (Sarah).....Vanessa Bayer
Undecided Voter #7 (Albert).....??

[SUPER: "This election will determine the future of our country. And this election will be determined by the Undecided Voter."]

Undecided Voter #1: It seems that more than 96% of voters have already made up their minds about this election. Well, I guess some of us are just a little bit harder to please. Weíre not impressed by political spin or thirty second sound bites. Before you get our vote, youíre going to have to answer some questions. Questions like...

[dissolve to undecided voter #2]

Undecided Voter #2: [Over TEXT] When is the election? How soon do we have to decide?

[dissolve to undecided voter #3]

Undecided Voter #3: [Over TEXT ] What are the names of the two people running? And be specific.

[dissolve to undecided voter #4]

Undecided Voter #4: [Over TEXT] Who is the president right now? Is he or she running? Because if so, experience is maybe something we should consider.

[dissolve to undecided voters #5 and #6]

Undecided Voter #5: [Over TEXT] How long is a presidentís term of office? One year? Two years? Three years? Or life? [camera moves over to show the manís wife]

Undecided Voter #6: Because if itís for life, frankly, weíre not comfortable with that. We donít need to be electing a dictator. [dissolve to another undecided voter]

Undecided Voter #7: What happens if the president dies? Has anyone thought about who would replace him? Whatís your plan, gentlemen?

[dissolve back to undecided voter #3]

Undecided Voter #3: [Over TEXT] Can women vote? Because if not, as a woman, Iíve got a big problem with that. And by the way, if men canít vote, in my opinion, thatís just as wrong.

[dissolve back to undecided voter #4]

Undecided Voter #4: [Over TEXT] We hear a lot about our dependence on foreign oil, but just what is oil? And what is it used for?

[dissolve back to undecided voter #2]

Undecided Voter #1: [Over TEXT] Can a woman have a baby just from French kissing?

[dissolve back to undecided voter #5]

Undecided Voter #5: [Over TEXT] If you burp, fart, and sneeze at the same time, will you die?

[dissolve back to undecided voter #7]

Undecided Voter #5: [Over TEXT] Whereís my power cord?

[dissolve back to undecided voter #1]

Undecided Voter #1: We are Americaís undecided voters. Thereís still a lot we donít know.

[cut to view of all undecided voters]

All: And we want answers!

Announcer: [Over TEXT] "Low-information voters of America is responsible for the content of this advertising.


Submitted by: Adam Rapfogel


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