Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 38: Episode 3


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:

Bit Players:


October 6th, 2012

Daniel Craig

Muse

None

Chris Parnell

None

First Presidential Debate
Summary: President Barack Obama (Jay Pharoah) is severely disoriented during his first Presidential debate aganst Mitt Romney (Jason Sudeikis).

Recurring Characters: Jim Lehrer, President Barack Obama, Mitt Romney.

Transcript


Montage


Daniel Craig's Monologue
Summary: Having now starred in three James Bond films, Daniel Craig presents an "In Memorium" of the many bad guys he's killed in his films.


Construction Workers
Summary: Jack (Daniel Craig) keeps making unsophisticated comments while trying to fit in with his fellow lewd construction workers.

Transcript


Bond 50
Summary: The ultimate James Bond Blu-Ray collection features a bevy of babes and unlikely Bond girls from throughout the 50-year franchise.

Recurring Characters: Jodie Foster, Ellen Degeneres, Penny Marshall.


Three Days Later: A Look Back at the Obama Debate Disaster
Summary: The liberal news media tries desperately to spin President Barack Obama's poor performance at the first Presidential debate.

Recurring Characters: Rachel Maddow, Al Sharpton, Chris Matthews.

Transcript


Long Island Medium
Summary: Theresa Caputo (Kate McKinnon) spiritually connects with the dead for her fellow Long Islanders.

Transcript


Mars Mission
Summary: Kirby (Bobby Moynihan) annoys his fellow space crew members by getting misty about the pet kitty cat he left behind on Earth.


Muse performs "Madness"


Weekend Update with Seth Meyers
Summary: Seth Meyers outlines the Winners and Losers of this week's Presidential debate. Big Bird comments on his newfound celebrity status since being mentioned by Mitt Romney at the Presidential debate. Cecilia Giminez (Kate McKinnon) defends her forgery of a painting of Jesus.

Transcript


A Sorry Lot We Are
Summary: In a long-running BBC comedy series, a group of losers (Daniel Craig, Bill Hader, Bobby Moynihan) hang out at the pub and mull over their sorry lot in life.

Transcript


Loving Couple
Summary: Carl (Daniel Craig) is eager to show off his new girlfriend Regine (Fred Armisen) and their extraneous devotion to one another to his unsuspecting friends.


Muse performs "Panic Station"


Low-Information Voters Of America
Summary: America's undecided voters have an extensive collection of unreleated questions to ask about this year's Presidential election.

Note: Repeat from 12b.


Goodnights
Transcript






Dress Rehearsal Cuts




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