Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 38: Episode 7












12g: Anne Hathaway / Rihanna

Girlfriends Talk Show

Kyra.....Cecily Strong
Morgan....Aidy Bryant
Tara.....Anne Harthaway

[ open on theme montage ]

Theme Song:
"Girlfriends talkin' 'bout guys and stuff!
Girlfriends talkin' 'bout cute guys and clothes!
Girlfriends Talk Show!"

[ dissolve to Morgan and Kyra on set ]

Kyra: Oh, my God! Hi!

Morgan: Welcome to "Girlfriends Talk Show"!

Kyra: This is a show where we just sit and talk like girlfriends do! This is my best friend Morgan!

Morgan: Hi! And this is my best friend Kyra!

Kyra: What up!

Morgan: [ looking to the side ] And, uh... I don't know who this girl is.

Kyra: Oh! I'm sorry! This is a NEW best friend of mine -- Tara!

Tara: Hi! It's so good to see you again!

Kyra: Yeah, I know! Look at you -- you're the COOLEST!

Tara: You look real cool, too! I'm SO glad we became best friends!

Morgan: [ laughing nervously ] Yeah! ...How many best friends do you have, Kyra?

Kyra: A girl can NEVER have enough best friends! Amiright, guys?

Morgan: I don't know... can she? 'Cause I only have one, and that's you.

Kyra: Awesome! Okay! What's our first topic? Tara?

Morgan & Tara: GUYS!!

Tara: Oh, my God... did you just say that with me? Because she told me I could say it.

Morgan: Well, that's weird. Because, normally, I introduce the topics because I'm her best friend AND the co-host.

Kyra: Awesome! Okay! So, this question is for the boys -- but only the cute ones!

Tara: Like those ones we saw the other night?

[ Kyra and Tara laugh ]

Morgan: What night?

Kyra: Awesome! So! Boys: What's up with all the sports?

Tara: Yeah! I mean, you spend all your weekends watching it and talking about it, and then the rest of the week you play them on video games? What about us? Amiright?

Morgan: Okay, I just want to... I was, like, gonna say EVERY single thing that SHE just said. But... but, then, like, she jumped in so FAST, that I didn't get a chance to say, like, ANY of it!

Kyra: Okay, just think of something else to say!

Morgan: Kyra, where did you meet this girl?

Kyra: [ smiling ] She's so AWESOME! Um... I met her at Two Rivers Mall! She works at Forever 21!

Tara: Have you ever shopped there? The clothes really make you look SO like 21 years old! Amiright?

Morgan: [ desperately ] Yeah... yeah, it looks like clothes... DEAD women are found in!

Kyra: Don't say that! Remember Denise?

Morgan: Well, there's just, like, a million WAY better places to shop.

Tara: Like where? Name one.

Morgan: Uh... Skirt Warehouse? [ to Kyra ] Our favorite place? Remember?

Kyra: Skirt Warehouse? Morgan! What's wrong with you?

Morgan: I don't know. Skirt Warehouse can be cool if you're there with your best friend...

Kyra: Since when? One time, I was in a Skirt Warehouse, and I saw a roach family climb out of a bin full of Tum-Angel Panties", so I was like, "How did I get in this doody-girl's place?"

Tara: Yeah! Like, omigod! It should be called Skirt and Roach Warehouse!

Kyra: Yeah!

Morgan: No! YOU should be called Roach Warehouse!

Kyra: You're not making any sense today, Morgan.

Tara: Morgan? I like that name! It's like "Captain Morgan"! Do you remember, Kyra? In the basement?

Kyra: [ laughing ] That was SO crazy!

Morgan: [ confused ] You have a basement...?

Kyra: Awesome! Alright! Let's do our next topic!

Morgan: [ picking up a plate of muffins ] Bakingggg!

Kyra & Tara: BOYFRIENDS!!

Kyra: [ to Morgan ] Yeah -- boyfriends.

[ Morgan puts the muffins away ]

Tara: Okay! So -- my boyfriend gave me, like, THE most amazing gift! And I was, like, "Why?" And he was, like, "Because you are, totally, MY girlfriend!" And guess what I did? I sat in his lap and cried FACING OUT, so EVERYONE in the Food Court could see me.

Kyra: Wow! That's a PERFECT romantic story! My boyfriend's a little older He took me to a steak house and sat at a different table from me. He just watched me enjoy my steak. They even had CLOTH napkins! When I was walking out, his car pulled up and a tinted window rolled down, and the crack was big enough so I could see ONE eyeball. He winked at me and said, "Thanks for letting me watch you eat that sirloin!" My boyfriend's CRAZY!

Tara: Hey, what about you, Morgan?

Morgan: Well --

Kyra: Her boyfriend DUMPED her!

Morgan: NO... I dumped... him!

Kyra: No, he dumped you, and then, like a week later, you called him and said, "I'm dumping you!"

Morgan: That's not true! I told him, "Don't you EVER come back!" and he said, "I'm not going to!" And -- but I could tell by the way that he put his hand on my face, and PUSHED backwards... he was NOT entirely over me!

Tara: It kinda sounds like he was.

Morgan: Yeah, he WASN'T!! ROACH WAREHOUSE!! [ to Kyra ] This girl -- like, she REALLY needs to go! She's not even good at co-hosting.

Kyra: AWESOME!! Okay! So, next time on the show, our topic is gonna be...

Morgan: LANIARDS!

Kyra & Tara: EARRINGS!!

Kyra: Earrings!

Morgan: Yeah... it's earrings.

Kyra: Awesome! Later, bye!

Theme Song: "Girlfriends Talk Show!"

[ fade ]


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