Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 38: Bonus Episode 2














Weekend Update Thursday 2

Replacement Refs

Larry.....Bobby Moynihan
Lewis.....Kenan Thompson
Paul.....Fred Armisen
Steve.....Tim Robinson
Judge.....Aidy Bryant
Defendant.....Bill Hader
Patient.....Taran Killam

Announcer: This Friday on NBC.

[ cut to theme sequence ]

Theme:
"Replacemet Refs! They're trying their hardest.
What they lack in experience, they lack in decisiveness
You wanted the best
But you're getting Replacement Refs!"

Larry: I'm Larry!

Lewis: I'm Lewis!

Paul: I'm Paul!

Steve: I'm Dave! I mean... Steve.

Theme:
"You wanted the best But you're getting Replacement Refs!"

Steve: First down!

[ Paul blows his whistle, as Lewis throws down a yellow flag and Larry raises his arms ]

[ cut to exterior, courthouse ]

Announcer: Episode 42: "The Trial".

[ dissolve to interior, courtroom ]

Judge: [ banging gavel ] Has the jury reached their verdict?

Steve: Ummm... yeah! I mean, we -- we feel pretty good about it, yeah.

Judge: Will the defendant please rise?

Defendant: [ rising ] I just want to reiterate what I've said every day of this trial! I KILLED those people...! AND I'D DO IT AGAIN!!!

Judge: Mr. Foreman?

Steve: [ apprehensively ] Uh... uh... Not Guilty!

[ Paul blows his whistle, as Lewis throws down a yellow flag and Larry raises his arms ]

[ screen freezes ]

Theme:
"You wanted the best
But you're getting Replacement Refs!"

[ SUPER: "No Replacement Refs Were Harmed In The Making Of This Program" ]

[ dissolve to exterior, Hospital ]

Announcer: Next week, on "Replacement Refs":

[ dissolve to interior, hospital room ]

Patient: So... my ears are a little stuffed up... and there's a hint of a tickle at the back of my throat.

Larry: [ worried ] Ohhh, he's DEAD! Let's call it!

Steve: Time of death: [ he glances briefly at his watch ] 2:15.

Patient: No, no, no! I'm not dead! [ he glances at his watch ] Also, it's 4:30.

[ Paul blows his whistle, as Lewis throws down a yellow flag and Larry raises his arms ]

Theme:
"You wanted the best
But you're getting Replacement Refs!"

Steve: First down!

[ Paul blows his whistle, as Lewis throws down a yellow flag and Larry raises his arms ]

[ fade ]


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