Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 39: Episode 2










13b: Miley Cyrus

Morning, Miami

Producer.....Vanessa Bayer
Yolanda.....Miley Cyrus
B.F.....Bobby Moynihan
Jill.....Kate McKinnon

[ open on morning show studio ]

Producer: Okay, guys, we're ready to shoot this week's promos. Let's get the talent in here. [ the co-anchors approach the news desk ] Morning, guys!

B.F.: Is it? Is it a good morning? Can we just get this over with, please?

Producer: Okay, we've got the prompter... and we're rolling! In 3... 2...!

[ graphics appear on-screen ]

All: MORNING, MIAMI!!!

Yolanda: Miami Monday is... Miami Fun Day!

B.F.: The incomparable TIKI BARBER is in the studio to talk about his new cookbook, and life in general!

Jill: And who makes the best curling iron? The answer might surprise you!

Yolanda: I'm Yolanda...

Jill: I'm Jill...

B.F.: And I'm B.F. Join us Monday, on...

All: MORNING, MIAMI!!!

Producer: And... we're clear!

[ the co-anchors slam their coffee mugs on the news desk and fume ]

Producer: Okay... Tuesday's promo is up! And remember to say your FULL names this time! And we're ready to roll ! In 3... 2... 1!

[ graphics appear on-screen ]

All: MORNING, MIAMI!!!

Yolanda: This Tuesday is... Shoes Day, and we are pumping you full of pumps!

B.F.: Jeff Dunham's PUPPETS are in the studio -- Jeff dunham is not! And we'll find out how funny those puppets really are!

Jill: Are ghosts real? Turns out, no! Here to talk about it, is actor Topher Grace!

Yolanda: I'm Yolanda...

Jill: I'm Jill...

B.F.: And I'm B.F. Join us Tuesday, on...

All: MORNING, MIAMI!!!

Producer: And... we're clear!

[ the co-anchors slam their coffee mugs on the news desk and fume; Jill digs in her nose ]

Producer: Okay, Wednesday's up! And remember, guys -- full names! 3... 2...!

[ graphics appear on-screen ]

All: MORNING, MIAMI!!!

Yolanda: Get on your camel, or your significant other! Because it's Hump Day!

Jill: Then: It's a bird, it's plane, it's an... ugly rabbit? The worst-looking rabbits in the state of Florida are strutting their stuff in Tampa's 23rd Annual Bummer Bunny contest!

B.F.: And the cast of the HIHESt-RATED cable show "Duck Dynasty" is here, to talk about how the duck call business is not all it's quacked up to beak!

Yolanda: I'm Yolanda...

Jill: I'm Jill...

B.F.: And I'm B.F.! Join us Wednesday, on...

All: MORNING, MIAMI!!!

Producer: And... we're clear!

[ the co-anchors slam their coffee mugs on the news desk and fume; Jill digs in her nose ]

[ Jill starts to sing to herself ]

B.F.: Oh, shut it!

Yolanda: Shut it!

B.F.: Shut it up!

Producer: Okay, guys. No show on Thursday, because it's a leap week. So Friday's promo is up! FULL NAMES! And we're on! In 3... 2...!

[ graphics appear on-screen ]

All: MORNING, MIAMI!!!

Yolanda: Friday is Rye Day! What can you put between two pieces of bread? The answer... may turn you on!

Jill: Then: He's a helicopter, he's a machine gun, he's a bigot? Racist foley artist Bill Spinx is here to make soem funny sounds and some awful comments!

B.F.: He can throw a 90-mile-per-hour fast ball, but get this: He's only ONE years old! Infant pitcher Danny Baker's in the studio!

Yolanda: I'm Yolanda Natalie Portman...

Jill: I'm Jill Amockingbird...

B.F.: And I'm BITCH FANTASTIC! Join us Friday, on...

All: MORNING, MIAMI!!!

[ fade ]


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