Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 39: Episode 5


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:





Bit Players:


November 2nd, 2013

Kerry Washington

Eminem

None

Al Sharpton

Rick Rubin

Skylar Grey

None

Oval Office
Summary: In order to address "SNL"'s lack of diversity with having a black woman in the cast, Kerry Washington attempts quick costume changes in order to perform different impressions during a White House sketch.

Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama, Michell Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Matthew McConaughey.

Transcript


Montage


Kerry Washington's Monologue
Summary: While trying to discuss her visit to New York City, Kerry Washington is called upon to help various "SNL" cast members perform damage control on scandals of their own.

Transcript


Career Week
Summary: Heshi Al-Fahi (Nasim Pedrad) uses corny sound effects and an uppity assistant named Tammy (Kerry Washington) to motivate students in the pursuit of middling career goals.


My Girl
Summary: In a music video parody, a girl (Kerry Washington) catches her man (Jay Pharoah) texting other women and saving butt photos on his cellphone, and has her say about it.


How’s He Doing
Summary: Black panelists (Jay Pharoah, Kerry Washington) are once again willing to re-elect President Barack Obama no matter what offbeat scenarios are presented by the show's host (Kenan Thompson).

Recurring Characters: Ronny Williams.


Miss Universe Moscow 2013
Summary: Stereotypical beauty queens compete for worldwide recognition.

Transcript


Eminem with Rick Rubin performs "Berzerk"


Weekend Update with Seth Meyers & Cecily Strong
Summary: German Chancellor Angela Merkel (Kate McKinnon) doesn't like her cell phone being spied on by the NSA. Charles Barkley (Kenan Thompson), Shaquille O'Neal (Jay Pharoah) discuss the new NBA season.

Recurring Characters: Charles Barkley, Shaquille O'Neal.


Cartoon Catchphrases
Summary: While phoning her husband (Brooks Wheelan) to assist with answer to game show clue, Diane (Aidy Bryant) discovers that he's having an affair with many women.

Transcript


Fall Carnival
Summary: At the Booker T. Washington High Fall Carnival, Principal Frye (Jay Pharoah) interrupts with announcements as first-year teacher Miss Terry (Kerry Washington) takes a beating in the Dunk Tank.

Recurring Characters: Principal Frye, Steve Kane, Teacher.

Transcript


Eminem with Skylar Grey performs "Survival"


Date or Diss
Summary: Sensible young man (Taran Killam) much choose between three grossly-mismatched potential dates (Cecily Strong, Aidy Bryant, Kerry Washington).


Ice Cream
Summary: When a man (Beck Bennett) makes a joke while ordering ice cream, it gives the clerk (Kyle Mooney) too much to think about it.

Transcript


Goodnights
Transcript






Dress Rehearsal Cuts




SNL Transcripts