Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 39: Episode 7


















13g: Josh Hutcherson / HAIM

80's Song

Veronica.....Vanessa Bayer
Girlfriend #1.....NoŽl Wells
Girlfriend #2.....Cecily Strong
Girlfriend #3.....Kate McKinnon
Girlfriend #4.....Nasim Pedrad
Girlfriend #5.....Aidy Bryant
Devon.....Josh Hutcherson
Friends.....Kenan Thompson, Taran Killam
Band Girls.....HAIM

[ open on suburban scene in the 1980's, as five pastel-colored girls walk in front of a house ]

Girlfriend #1: Guys, I know I say this all the time, but I hope the 80's never end!

Girlfriend #2: Me, too -- I love my huge bangs!

Girlfriend #3: Shoot, that reminds me -- I need to buy some leg warmers... and some skorts!

Girlfriend #4: And I need pleated jeans for my legs. Let's hit the 80's mall!

Veronica: You guys go ahead. I'm gonna check in with Josie -- she wasn't at school today.

Girlfriend #5: Okay, cool! Just text us when you're done!

Veronica: [ confused ] Just "what" you...?

Girlfriend #5: I mean, uhh... pass me a note, in the mail or with a pigeon! Bye!

[ the girls run off, as Veronica steps onto the front porch and rings the doorbell ]

[ she holds the door open as Devon steps out ]

Veronica: Oh, hey! You must be Devon, Josie's younger brother?

Devon: [ he shrugs ] Maybe I am.

Veronica: I'm Josie's friend Veronica, I was in the neighborhood and I was wondering: Is Josie home?

Devon: [ lip- synching ]
"Josie's on a vacation far away
Come around and talk it over!"

Veronica: Oh, that's okay! I can come back. I mean, you're a sophomore and I'm a senior; what would we even have to talk about?

Devon: [ lip- synching ]
"So many things that I want to say
You know I like my girls a little bit older!"

Veronica: [ impressed ] Devon! I don't understand! What exactly are you saying?!

Devon: [ lip- synching ] "I just wanna use your love toni-i-ight!"

Veronica: Excuse me?!

[ two of Devon's friends pop thir heads out of adjacent windows ]

Friends: [ lip-synching ] "I don't wanna lose your love toni-i-ight!"

[ Friend #2 pounds two notes on a beat machine before they disappear back into the house ]

Veronica: Oh. So your friends are here, too. I'm sure you have TONS of friends.

Devon: [ lip- synching ] "I ain't got many friends left to talk to."

Veronica: Well, the truth is: You don't need a lot of friends, just as long as you have a couple of real good ones.

Devon: [ lip- synching ] "Nowhere to run when I'm in trouble."

Veronica: I get it. I wish there was someone there for me, too.

Devon: [ lip- synching ]
"You know I'd do anything for you
Stay the night but keep it undercover!"

Veronica: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Keep it undercover"? Okay, do you just want a piece on the down low? Uh-uh! That is NOT what I'm about, Devon, and I doubt that your sister Josie would approve of that attitude, either!

[ she starts to run off, but Devon grabs her hands ]

Devon: [ lip- synching ] "Try to stop my hands from shakin'..."

Veronica: Devon!

Devon: [ lip- synching ] "'Cause somethin' in my mind's not makin' sense..."

Veronica: Devon!

[ his friends pop their heads out of the windows with instruments ]

Devon: [ lip- synching ] "It's been awhile since we were all alone..."

Veronica: Devon!

Devon: [ lip- synching ] "I can't hide the way I'm feelin'."

Veronica: You know what? I can't hide the way I'm feeling, either. And I'm feeling very confused. I'm going now, and I'm leaving the door open.

[ she rushes down the walk ]

Devon: [ lip- synching ]
"As you're leaving, please, would you close the door?
And don't forget what I told you."

Veronica: [ lip-synching with her friends ]
"Just 'cause you're right, that don't mean I'm wrong
Another shoulder to cry upon."

[ she runs back up the walk to Devon ]

Devon: [ screechy ] "I just wanna use your love toni-i-i-i-ightttt!" [ he clears his throat ] I mean... [ lip-synching ]
"I just wanna use your love toni-i-ight, yeah!
I don't wanna lose your love tonight! Yeah!"

Veronica: Oh, I love you, Devon! I've always loved you! But just so you know up front: I don't do mouth-stuff.

Devon: [ lip- synching ]
"You know that I wish I had Jesse's girl!
You know that I wish I had Jesse's girl!
Where can I find a woman like that...?"

[ pull out, fade ]


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