Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 39: Episode 8


This free script provided by http://javascriptkit.com











Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:









Bit Players:


December 7th 2013

Paul Rudd

One Direction

None

Kristen Wiig

Fred Armisen

Will Ferrell

David Koechner

Steve Carell

None

The Sound of Music: Live & Condensed
Summary: The truncated live version of "The Sound of Music" runs ridiculously long with the unnecessary addition of Dooneese (Kristen Wiig) and Lawrence Welk (Fred Armisen).

Recurring Characters: Dooneese, Lawrence Welk.


Montage


Paul Rudd's Monologue
Summary: Paul Rudd initiates a Battle of the Boy Bands by pitting himself, Will Ferrell, David Koechner and Steve Carell against One Direction.

Transcript


Politics Nation
Summary: Al Sharpton (Kenan Thompson) discusses the healthcare.gov website with unpaid Huffington Post contributor Peter Douchet (Paul Rudd).

Recurring Characters: Al Sharpton.


One Direction's #1 Fan
Summary: Grown man Dan Charles (Paul Rudd) is One Direction's #1 fan.


Divorce
Summary: Mr. and Mrs. Keller (Paul Rudd, Vanessa Bayer) want a divorce, yet are still mutually attracted to Fleetwood Mac's "I Don't Want to Know."


One Direction performs "Story of My Life"


Weekend Update with Seth Meyers & Cecily Strong
Summary:


Michelangelo's David
Summary: The male model (Paul Rudd) who posed for Michelangelo's (Taran Killam) David is embarrassed by his tiny sculpted penis.

Transcript


White Christmas
Summary: Paul Rudd stars in multiple roles in a black holiday movie geared for white audiences.


Santa's Workshop
Summary: Santa Claus (Paul Rudd) is a changed man after experiencing rapid weight loss just before Christmas.


Past Lovers
Summary:


One Direction performs "Through the Dark"


Bill Brasky
Summary: Copier salesman (Will Ferell, David Koechner, Taran Killam, Paul Rudd) wax nostalgic about Bill Brasky while drinking at a Chuck E. Cheese's.

Transcript


Goodnights
Transcript






Dress Rehearsal Cuts




SNL Transcripts