Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 39: Episode 13


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:









Bit Players:


February 1st 2014

Melissa McCarthy

Imagine Dragons

None

Kendrick Lamar

Amy Poehler

Bill Hader

Andy Samberg

Fred Armisen

None

Halftime Spectacular
Summary: The last-minute cancellation of Bruno Mars and ?? results in a lame Broadway-style replacement Halftime musical performance.

Recurring Characters: Michael Strahan.


Montage


Melissa McCarthy's Monologue
Summary: Harboring a grudge from her last hosting, Bobby Moynihan sparks a mid-air ninja fight with Melissa McCarthy.

Transcript


CVS
Summary: A promotional advertisement for the last-minute cheapskate Valentine's gifts available at your neighborhood CVS.


Delaware 1 News Special Report
Summary: News anchor David LaPierre (Taran Killam) reviews footage of an all-night rampage by Congresswoman Sheila Kelly (Melissa McCarthy).

Recurring Characters: Sheila Kelly.

Transcript


Women's Group
Summary: Members of a women's group strive to achieve inner peace, which P.J. (Melissa McCarthy) seeks to do by avenging the death of her father by cartel drug lords.

Transcript


Guess That Phrase!
Summary: Crazy Kathleen (Melissa McCarthy) believes "Pass The Mash" to be the answer to all of the hidden game phrases.


28 Reasons
Summary: Via rap performance, Kevin (Jay Pharoah), Tyrese (Kenan Thompson), and Michelle (Sasheer Zamata) remind their fellow white students that slavery is the reason to keep Black History Month in their thoughts.


Imagine Dragons with Kendrick Lamar perform "Radioactive"
Lyrics


Weekend Update with Seth Meyers & Cecily Strong
Summary: Atlanta native Buford Calloway (Taran Killam) relates the terror of having survived Winter Storm Leon. On his final broadcast, Amy Poehler and Stefon (Bill Hader) are ready to help bring Seth Meyers to the other side of "SNL". Former governor David Paterson (Fred Armisen) wanders past the news desk.

Recurring Characters: Stefon, David Paterson.

Transcript


Art Exhibit
Summary: Onboxious museum employee (Melissa McCarthy) interrupts a living art exhibit in order to rectify a wi-fi connectivity issue.


Girlfriends Talk Show
Summary: Morgan (Aidy Bryant) is excited to have her adult friend Donna Ruth Baker (Melissa McCarthy) on the show, but Kyra (Cecily Strong) has transformed her into a hipper chick.

Recurring Characters: Kyra, Morgan.


Imagine Dragons perform "Demons"


Summer of Diane
Summary: Bobby (Bobby Moynihan) lovingly recalls a chance encounter in the park with Diane (Melissa McCarthy), a slovenly woman who never even noticed him.


Super Champions with Kyle
Summary: Kyle Mooney nervously interviews people who are in town for the Super Bowl.


Goodnights
Transcript






Dress Rehearsal Cuts




SNL Transcripts