Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 39: Episode 14


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Air Date:

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Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

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March 1st, 2014

Jim Parsons

Beck

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Ellen
Summary: Ellen Degeneres (Kate McKInnon) dances, pranks (Jay Pharoah), and welcomes Johnny Weir (Jim Parsons) to the show.

Recurring Characters: Ellen Degeneres.


Montage


Jim Parsons' Monologue
Summary: With help from Jaleel White (Jay Pharoah), Jason Alexander (Bobby Moynihan), Henry Winkler (Taran Killam), Bill Cosby (Kenan Thompson) and Angela Lansbury (Kate McKinnon), Jim Parsons deflects typecasting by singing "I'm Not That Guy!"

Recurring Characters: Bill Cosby.


Peter Pan
Summary: Peter Pan (Jim Parsons) arrives at the Darling House for a return trip to Never Neverland, with a little help from Tinkerbell's sassy half-sister Tonkerbell (Aidy Bryant).


The Bird Bible
Summary: Illustrations of birds in religious scenery helps make the Bible more kid-friendly.


The Killer Files
Summary: A profile of Marc Allen Henry (Jim Parsons), thw Dance Floor Killer murderer who struck various televised dance floor sets throughout the 1990's.


"12 Years a Slave" Auditions
Summary:


Beck performs "Blue Moon"


Weekend Update with Cecily Strong & Colin Jost
Summary: Charles Barkley (Kenan Thompson) and Shaquille O'Neal (Jay Pharoah) comment about the first openly-gay NBA player. 1860's critic Jebidiah Atkinson (Taran Killam) has harsh reviews of this year's Best Picture nominees.

Recurring Characters: Charles Barkley, Shaquille O'Neal, Jebidiah Atkinson.

Transcript


Murder Mystery
Summary: ?? (Jim Parsons) can't get into the spirit of a murder mystery because he doesn't understand his character's motivation.


Spotlightz!
Summary: Laura Parsons (Vanessa Bayer) and other serious child actors perform scenes from this year's Best Picture nominees.

Recurring Characters: Laura Parsons.


Beck performs "Wave"


Elevator
Summary: Mr. Conrad (Jim Parsons) is embarrassed when he has to hide the smell of his soiled underwear while taking a long elevator ride with various unexpected employees.

Transcript


Cowboys
Summary: Group of cowboys debate about how best to celebrate Dwayne's (Beck Bennett) birthday.

Transcript


Goodnights
Transcript






Dress Rehearsal Cuts




SNL Transcripts