Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 39: Episode 17
















13q: Anna Kendrick / Pharrell Williams

Flirty

Evan.....Kyle Mooney
Sara.....Vanessa Bayer
Guy.....Beck Bennett

[ open on Sara walking with groceries down apartment hallway ]

[ Evan steps out of his apartment ]

Evan: Oh... hey! Sara!

Sara: Heyyyy!

Evan: Nice to see you!

Sara: It's so great to see you, too!

Evan: You look, um... AMAZING! As always!

Sara: Thank you!

Evan: I mean, I'm sorry... maybe I'm being too...

Sara: No, no, no! You look like maybe you're going to the gym...

Evan: Oh... yeah! I gotta go... work out...

Sara: That's not a surprise! It totally looks like you... work out! [ he laughs ] And you've got a great personality!

Evan: Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah -- Look who I'm talking to, huh! Miss Perfect. [ they laugh ] This might sound weird... uh... Would you ever want to maybe, like... I don't know... get... you know... [ awkward pause ] more groceries...? Uh, uh... for you...

Sara: Uh... yeah...!

Evan: ...'cause maybe you want to... go get some more...?

Sara: Oh...

Evan: ...in case you run out...?

Sara: Yeah! O-of course! Um... you know what they say, um... "More food... more, uh... attitude."

Evan: Yeah! I think I read that... on a... bumper... sticker... or something?

Sara: Okay.

Evan: I should go!

Sara: Uh... yeah. Of course.

Evan: See you, Sara.

Sara: Yeah. Yeah.

[ Evan shirks away, as Sara regrets the missed opportunity ]

[ dissolve to Evan washing his clothes at the laundromat, as Sara enters ]

Sara: Oh.

Evan: Oh... hey. Sara!

Sara: Hey!

Evan: [ holding his dirty underwear ] Oh. No! My... I got poop on my underwear!

Sara: Oh...

Evan: No, no, no! I'm not gonna lie to you!

Sara: [ laughing ] I feel like I always have... poop... on my underwear!

Evan: No!

Sara: Unavoidable!

Evan: Two... poos in a pod! [ they laugh ] Listen, Sara, uh... gosh, this is dumb! Uhhh... I... I just wanted you to know that... I really, really, really... REALLY... like... you... uuuuuth soccer...?

Sara: Oh! Oh... uh... me, too! Um... good for the kids, you know, to, uh...

Evan: Yeah!

Sara: ...be out in the fresh air.

Evan: Yeah! Getting exercise, and, uh...

[ Sara leans in, as though closing in for a kiss, and then: ]

Sara: Sorry, uh... just have to get to this machine.

Evan: Yeah! I needed to, uh...

Sara: Yeah.

Evan: You know what? I think I left, uh... my... walllll... phone. My wall and my cell phone! I sound like an idiot!

Sara: And I... should go do laundry!

Evan: Yeah!

Sara: So... um...

Evan: I'll see ya'!

[ dissolve to next day, as Sara walks down the hall ]

Evan: Sara! Wait! [ she turns ] Hey. I-I-I just gotta say this: Do you wanna go...?

[ suddenly, another Guy enters the hall ]

Guy: Hey, Sara! Do you wanna have sex with me right now?

Sara: Sure!

Guy: Awesome! I guess I'll just go get set up and... give myself a boner.

Sara: Okay! Great! [ he exits ] Um... Evan? What were you... gonna ask me?

Evan: [ he shrugs ] Do you want to go on a date with me?

Sara: I... would LOVE to! Um... and, and... I don't know, would you want to go on that date, um... tonight?

Evan: YES!! I mean... Yes. That would be awesome.

[ the guy reappears in the hallway ]

Guy: I'm ready NOW!!

Sara: Okay.

Guy: Come on! [ he exits into his apartment ]

Sara: Okay, well, uh... I'm just gonna go fuck this guy, and then... we'll go on our date!

[ she follows into the other guy's apartment ]

Evan: See ya'! [ to himself ] Yes! She's going on a date... with me!

[ he jumps into the air ]

[ freeze-frame ]

[ fade ]


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