Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 39: Episode 18
April 12th, 2014
GOP at Coachella
: Paul Ryan (Taran KIllam) and Jeb Bush (Beck Bennett) try to make themselves relevant to a younger audience at a music festival.
: Paul Ryan, Jeb Bush.
Seth Rogen's Monologue
: Seth Rogen's diary readings are interrupted by unwanted cameos from James Franco, Zooey Deschanel and Taylor Swift.
CNN Pregnancy Test
: Hopeful Mom-to-be (Vanessa Bayer) receives frequent though useless updates on the possibility of her being pregnant.
: After being made fun of in a bar, a pair of monsters (James Franco, Mike O'Brien) have reconstructive surgery to look human.
Blue River Dog Food
: Pat's (Seth Rogen) testimonial for Blu River Dog Food takes an abrupt turn when Cindy (Cecily Strong) lashes out at the lack of integrity of their previous brand.
Ed Sheeran performs "Sing"
Weekend Update with Cecily Strong & Colin Jost
: Red Sox player David Ortiz (Kenan Thompson) explains the selfie he took with President Obama. Bar Mitzvah boy Jacob (Vanessa Bayer) still isn't quite ready to bond with Cecily Strong.
: (Seth Rogen) is embarrassed when his cousin Stacey (Cecily Strong) crashes his engagement party to announce that he had a one-time drunken gay encounter.
: In the 1970's, Rev. Al Sharpton (Kenan Thompson) goes undercover to assist the FBI in a drug bust.
Ed Sheeran performs "Don't"
: Wanna-be pot smoker (Kyle Mooney) celebrates the return of Bob Blinger on April 20th.
Herman & Sons
: George Herman (Seth Rogen) and Eugene Sons (Kenan Thompson) announce the transition of their business venture from a sperm bank to a yogurt parlor.
Dress Rehearsal Cuts