75a: George Carlin / Billy Preston, Janis Ian
Academy of Better Careers
Written by: Michael O'Donoghue
Woman ... Gilda Radner
Salesman ...Wendy Craig
Lecturer ... George Coe
Instructor ... Jane Curtin
Woman with book ... Jacqueline Carlin
[Phone rings in someone's home. A woman picks up.]
[A high pressure salesman, wearing a checkered suit, appears in a superimposed oval, inset next to the woman.]
Salesman: Hello! By just answering this phone call,
you have qualified for a challenging new career that
could earn you up to eighty dollars a day!
Woman: [enthusiastic] Tell me more! [She listens with
interest, sipping from a cup, as the salesman rattles on.]
Salesman: Did you know that the recent glut of late
night TV ads for so-called training schools has
created a demand for skilled phone answerers to take
calls and write down messages? It's true. The
countless schools and institutions that teach you
computer programming, motel management, airport
surveillance and diesel mechanics -- to name but a few
-- desperately need operators to stand by at the end
of their TV ads. Now, ABC [superimposed text reads:
Not Affiliated With The American Broadcasting Company]
-- the Academy of Better Careers -- offers you the
chance to become one of these sought after, high paid
[Goofy music begins as we cut to a classroom full of
people practicing the fine art of picking up a
telephone receiver and saying "Hello" -- an instructor
coaches one of the students but the rest are on their
own, picking up receivers and putting them down.]
Salesman: You'll learn the latest up to the minute
phone answering techniques from our staff of
[An attractive woman sits in a chair and reads a
colorful children's book entitled VISIT TO PHONELAND.
It features a cartoon character of a smiling phone on
Salesman: You'll explore the telephone -- its past,
its present -- and even the amazing picture phones of
[A bespectacled lecturer in suit and tie uses a
pointer as he reads from a chalkboard upon which are
listed "AREA CODES OF MANY NATIONS" such as CEYLON -
94; CHAD - 235; CHILE - 56; COOKS IS. 685; and COSTA
RICA - 506.]
Salesman: In only six weeks, our experts will show you
everything you need to know to answer phones
Lecturer: Ceylon - nine, four. Chad...
[Music ends as we cut back to the woman on the phone,
still listening intently to the salesman.]
Salesman: ABC is veteran-approved by the Federal Board
of Public Instruction and is eligible under the
Woman: Excuse me, Mister. I have to get off.
Salesman: But where are you going?
Woman: To call ABC and start my new career as a sought
after, high paid stand-by operator!
[The woman hangs up on the stunned salesman. She
starts drinking from her cup. The salesman reappears
in a superimposed square, inset next to her.]
Salesman: Hey! Don't let life put you on hold!
[Startled by his reappearance, the woman puts down her
cup and picks up her phone.] Become a stand-by
operator! Call now for free booklet! [Superimposed
text reads: CALL NOW (311) 555-4425] Call (311)
555-4425. [Woman, hearing the number, starts to dial.]
That's (311) 555-4425. Operators are standing by to
take your call.