Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 1: Episode 1

75a: George Carlin / Billy Preston, Janis Ian


Written by: Michael O'Donoghue

Man #1 ... Chevy Chase
Man #2 ... Michael O'Donoghue
Announcer ...

[Two soft-spoken, casually-dressed men address the camera, betraying not a trace of effeminacy. Man #1 is tall. Man #2 is shorter, bespectacled and bearded.]

Man #1: This is my best friend, my business partner, my advisor, my companion, my wife. And I love her. She's quite a gal, you know. She takes care of the house, cooks great meals, makes studded leather vests at our own boutique, and still has enough energy to give me the attention I need at the end of a long day. I don't know how you do it.

Man #2: Well, I take care of myself. I get plenty of rest, go to the Y, eat right and, to make sure I get enough iron and vitamins, I take Jamitol every day. [puts a pipe in his mouth]

Man #1: Makes me take it, too.

[Dissolve to two packages of the product (tablet and liquid) and a large spoon.]

Announcer: Jamitol. More than twice the iron and high-potency vitamins found in other supplements. Tablet or liquid.

[Cut back to the two men. Man #2 takes the pipe out of his mouth.]

Man #1: My wife. She's quite a gal. And I love her for it.

[The two men glance at one another matter-of-factly, as a husband and wife would, then look back at the camera.]

Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts