Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 1






75a: George Carlin / Billy Preston, Janis Ian

New Dad

Written by: Rosie Shuster

Old Dad.....Dan Aykroyd
Mom.....Jackie Carlin
New Dad.....Chevy Chase

[ open on close-up of wedding photo of Mom and Old Dad. Pull back to reveal Mom and Son in living room set, as Old Dad, carrying briefcase, comes bursting through the door. ]

Old Dad: Honey, I'm home!

Son: [ runs to greet Old Dad ] Daddy! Daddy!

[ Old Dad scoops up his Son, sits in armchair and places Son on couch ]

Announcer: You have a lovely home, a good job, solid investments, a wonderful family.. everything you need for the future.. or is it?

[ big black "X" appears over Old Dad, as he vanishes from the scene ]

What if you were suddenly out of the picture? Should tragedy strike, what would happen to them?

[ Son waits pathetically for Dad, Mom staring distractedly off into space ]

Sure, you've provided for them financially - but what about their emotional and physical needs?

[ New Dad, also carrying briefcase, bursts through the front door ]

New Dad: Honey, I'm home!

Son: [ runs to greet New Dad ] Daddy! Dady!

[ New Dad scoops up his Son, sits in armchair and places Son on couch, Mom looking pleased ]

Announcer: Yes - it's "New Dad!" - a radically new concept in family insurance coverage. Within seconds after "Old Dad" is out, we'll have "New Dad" in there to take his place. Is your family completely covered? Not just financially, but in every way?

[ New Dad pats his knee sexily, as Mom comes to sit on his lap ]

Why not call your local independent insurance agent today, and aks him about our "New Dad" policy..

[ close-up of original wedding photo of mom and Old Dad, who was "X" over his face ]

..before it's too late. That's "New Dad" - the only insurance that covers all of their needs.

[ New Dad's hand enters frame and slaps sticker of his own face over Old Dad's face in the photo ]

"New Dad" - Tops In Pops.

[ SUPER: "New Dad - Tops In Pops" ]

[ fade out ]


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