Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 1: Episode 1

75a: George Carlin / Billy Preston, Janis Ian


Written by: Tom Schiller

Announcer ...
Hands ... Chevy Chase

[Close-up of spotlit hands on a black background.]

Announcer V/O: Arthritis in the adult is painful, lonely, and sometimes difficult to manage.

[The sore, aching hands massage one another's joints.]

Arthritis is particularly annoying when coupled with neuralgia and severe muscular tension. Abrupt weather changes can add discomfort.

[Flashing red lights indicate soreness and pain in the hands.]

Inflamed tissues can cause local swelling, calling for special relief.

[A medicine bottle magically appears between the hands.]

Triopenin, [pronounced: TRY OPENIN'] a compound of powerful anti-arthritic spantials and antihistamines, speeds soothing relief where needed.

[The hands try unsuccessfully to unscrew the bottle's top.]

Triopenin is gentle, non-habit-forming, aids in soothing muscles and liberating stiff, painful joints.

[The hands pound on the bottle top and then try to pry it off, to no avail.]

Soon, you're handling life again, feeling better, and getting a firm grasp on the situation.

[Dissolve to a graphic that reads TRIOPENIN with a photo of two bottles -- one of them shattered, the pink pills spilled across a blue background.]

Triopenin -- get your hands working again. Now with the new childproof safety cap.


Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts