75a: George Carlin / Billy Preston, Janis Ian
Written by: Tom Schiller
Hands ... Chevy Chase
[Close-up of spotlit hands on a black background.]
Announcer V/O: Arthritis in the adult is painful,
lonely, and sometimes difficult to manage.
[The sore, aching hands massage one another's joints.]
Arthritis is particularly annoying when coupled with
neuralgia and severe muscular tension. Abrupt weather
changes can add discomfort.
[Flashing red lights indicate soreness and pain in the
Inflamed tissues can cause local swelling, calling for
[A medicine bottle magically appears between the
Triopenin, [pronounced: TRY OPENIN'] a compound of
powerful anti-arthritic spantials and antihistamines,
speeds soothing relief where needed.
[The hands try unsuccessfully to unscrew the bottle's
Triopenin is gentle, non-habit-forming, aids in
soothing muscles and liberating stiff, painful joints.
[The hands pound on the bottle top and then try to pry
it off, to no avail.]
Soon, you're handling life again, feeling better, and
getting a firm grasp on the situation.
[Dissolve to a graphic that reads TRIOPENIN with a
photo of two bottles -- one of them shattered, the
pink pills spilled across a blue background.]
Triopenin -- get your hands working again. Now with
the new childproof safety cap.