Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 1







75a: George Carlin / Billy Preston, Janis Ian

Wolverines

Written by: Michael O'Donoghue

Professor.....Michael O'Donoghue
European Immigrant.....John Belushi
Stage Manager.....Chevy Chase

[ Open to a small room with two men sitting in chairs ]

Professor: Let us begin. Repeat after me.

[ European Immigrant in tight-mouthed concentration, nods ]

Professor: I would like.....

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] I would like....

Professor: ....to feed your fingertips....

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent] ....to feed yur fingerteeps....

Professor: ...to the wolverines.

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] ....to de wolver-eenes.

Professor: Next, I am afraid....

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] I em afred...

Professor: ...we are out...

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] ...we are out...

Professor: ...of badgers.

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] ...of badjurs.

Professor: Would you accept...

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] Would you accept...

Professor: ...a wolverine...

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] ...a wolver-eene...

Professor: ...in it's place?

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] ...een es place.

Professor: Next, "Hey," Ned exclaimed...

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] "Hey," Ned asclaimed...

Professor: "let's boil...

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] "let's boil...

Professor: ...the wolverines."

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] ...the wolver-eenes."

Professor: Next...

[ The Professor suddenly gasps, clutches his chest, and falls off his chair to the floor, obviously stricken with a heart attack. The Immigrant looks puzzled for a moment, then repeats the Professors gasp, clutches his chest, and throws himself on the floor. ]

[ Stage Manager enters the scene, peers at the two lifeless figures and looks into the camera and smiles. ]

Stage Manager: Live from New York.. it's Saturday Night!


SNL Transcripts