Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 3







75c: Rob Reiner

Hoe-Down

Caller.....Dan Aykroyd
Women Dancers.....Jane Curtin, Laraine Newman, Gilda Radner, Penny Marshall
Men Dancers.....John Belushi, Chevy Chase, Garrett Morris, Michael O’Donoghue

[FADE IN on a clean-shaven fiddler and a bald guitar player with glasses and a long beard. ZOOM OUT to show a country street set with the musicians and the caller standing in a wagon. He wears a black cowboy hat and a long dark suit with a skinny black tie. Eight dancers in old-fashioned dresses and western-style shirts swing arm-in-arm on the floor.]

Caller:
Bow to your girlie, now, curtsy to your man,
Step right up and grab her by the hand,
Now, swing that gal in the fancy clothes,
Circle ‘round and pull her nose!
[laughing maniacally] Ah, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!

[The men all grab the noses of their partners, who stare at them in shock.]

Caller: Grab hands, circle chain!

[The dancers all join hands and dance around in a circle.]

Caller:
Granny doubles bourbon, preacher hits the gin,
Sock it up to Johnny and kick him in the shin!

[He laughs again in delight as the women kick each man in the leg. John Belushi flips off his partner by flicking his hand under his chin.]

Caller:
Promenade! All right!
Promenade uptown, sultry hops,
Wind up your dukes and belt her in the chops!

[The men all double up and punch the women as Dan cackles.]

Caller:
Ladies, wheel on around and back to your place,
Knock him to the ground, stomp on his face!

[Again, the caller chortles while the women push down the men and put feet in their faces.]

Caller:
Gentlemen, on your feet now, aaaaaaaaaand...
Gallivant right with the gal you like best,
Step right up and rip her dress!

[Each man does exactly that. Laraine Newman’s dress hangs open right above her breasts, while Jane Curtin’s slips off her left shoulder. Dan laughs like an axe murderer.]

Caller:
Doe-see-doe, doe-see-doe!
Doe-see-doe, fly higher and higher,
Pull out your pistols and open fire!!

[All eight dancers stop, take pistols out of their pockets, and shoot each other. Every dancer goes down, but Chevy Chase staggers up to the wagon and shoots the caller, who is still laughing maniacally. The caller squeals once and crashes down in the wagon, and then Chevy also tumbles to the floor. CUT to a closeup of the musicians as they finish their song, smile, and bow to each other. FADE to black over applause.]


Submitted by: Joe Cornfield


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