75d: Candice Bergen / Esther Phillips
Ambassador Training Institute
Husband ... Dan Aykroyd
Wife ... Laraine Newman
Pitchman ... Andrew Duncan
[In a kitchen, a wife serves her husband
Husband: [disgruntled] Sandwiches again
Wife: You know I can't stretch the food
budget any further! Why don't you get a better
[Through the magic of Chroma-Key technology, a
pitchman appears - superimposed over this kitchen
scene - and addresses the camera.]
Pitchman: Are you stuck in a go-nowhere,
do-nothing job? If so, this is your chance to start an
exciting career in the world of international
diplomacy as an ambassador to a foreign country -- by
enrolling now at the Ambassador Training Institute.
[After a glimpse of the ATI logo (a shield with an
eagle, a dollar bill, and a crossed knife and fork),
we dissolve to stock footage of horse-drawn carriages,
diplomats shaking hands, tables laden with food,
Ambassadors live in luxury and get to mingle with
glamorous celebrities, royalty, and the social elite.
And they don't have to pick up after themselves.
Ambassadors have a lot of prestige and influence. They
put in long hours without working hard. And they're
often the center of attention. And the food?
Fantastic! Ambassadors dine on the finest gourmet food
at big fancy dinner parties in palaces, in embassies
and trade centers.
[Back to the pitchman.]
To see if you qualify for a career in diplomacy, take
this easy test, right now, in the privacy of your own
home. Listen closely. You are having dinner with some
foreign dignitaries and someone says something
(A) Shoot him and create an international
(B) Pretend you did not hear it and ask him to pass
the sweet and sour shrimp.
You'd be surprised how many people say "A" -- but if
you said "B," then you have the ability to make quick
decisions on your feet. When you enroll at Ambassador
Training Institute, you'll learn how to accept gifts
graciously, how to propose toasts. You'll use phrases
like: "Delighted to see you again!" "I'll ask the
Secretary of State." and "Pass the sweet and sour
Now, here's how to get your free booklet. Just send
three hundred thousand dollars and the name of the
country to which you'd like to be ambassador to:
Illegal Campaign Contributions, Ambassador Training
Institute, Mexico City, Mexico.