Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 5





75e: Robert Klein / ABBA

K-Put Price-Is-Rite Stamp Gun

[FADE IN on a woman standing in a grocery store aisle with her cart. She pulls a can of corn from the shelf, looks at the price tag on top in dismay, and then puts the can back.]

Announcer: Inflationary prices getting you down? Then get down on inflationary prices with the new Price-Is-Rite Stamp Gun from K-Put!

[Just after she holds out her hands in resignation, a yellow Stamp Gun with a long roll of paper magically appears in her right hand. Sprightly, happy strings start playing in the background, like an old promotional film. She looks down at the Stamp Gun with wonder.]

Announcer: Simply snap in a K-Put price tag roll, adjust the fingertip control price dial, aim your Price-Is-Rite stamp gun over the regular marking, pull the trigger, and presto! Look at this! A whole watermelon for only 3 cents!

[The woman is seen setting up the Stamp Gun, then aiming it at a watermelon. CUT to an old-fashioned cash register ringing up $000.03. CUT to the woman cradling her bargain watermelon and smiling slyly.]

Announcer: A 12-pound turkey for just 4 cents!

[The woman aims the stamp gun at an unwrapped frozen turkey, and the register rings up $000.04. The woman cradles her turkey and smiles in exactly the same way, then CUT to her grabbing cans and tossing them into her cart, as if on a free shopping spree.]

Announcer: Save thousands of dollars! Feed your entire family for just pennies a day! Shop for your friends--itís fun and easy!

[FADE to the lady standing in the checkout lane getting two coins in change from a cashier. The cashier then yanks a three-foot-long receipt out of the register and drops it in her hand.]

Announcer: One trip to the store, and your K-Put Stamp Gun will pay for itself!

[CUT to the happy shopper displaying the Stamp Gun in one hand and two coins in the other. She smiles and winks at the camera.]

Announcer: Buy everything youíve ever wanted! Thereís no better way to stretch your shopping dollars!

[CUT to graphic of the Stamp Gun with the price flashing next to it.]

Announcer: K-Putís Price-Is-Rite Stamp Gun. A steal at only $49.95 while they last. Thatís $49.95...

[CUT to a slide of the mailing address.]

Announcer: To K-Put Price-Is-Rite Stamp Gun, Department 8, Shopping Mall, New Jersey. Void where prohibited by law.

[FADE to black]


Submitted by: Sean


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