75e: Robert Klein / ABBA
Player on Right.....Al Franken
Player on Left.....Tom Davis
[FADE IN on a black “Pong” video screen. Franken is leading Davis, 5-4. The players trade shots for several seconds.]
Al Franken: Y’know, I, uh... I really think I aced the old history midterm.
Tom Davis: Yeah, I saw you were the first one to leave. I thought it was pretty--
[A deep “BUZZ!” is heard as Davis misses a shot and falls behind 6-4.]
Tom Davis: Pretty hard.
Al Franken: Did ya?
Tom Davis: Yeah.
Al Franken: Well, I aced it, I’m sure of it.
Tom Davis: What, uh, what century did you put for McKinley’s shot?
Al Franken: Uh... let’s see, nineteenth, he was shot--
[Davis misses again to make it a 7-4 score.]
Al Franken: [chuckling] He was shot in 1901.
Tom Davis: Well, that’s the twentieth century.
[Franken misses a shot which cuts his lead to 7-5.]
Al Franken: Oh, wow, that’s right!
Tom Davis: Right, dumbo, you live in 1975, but it’s the twentieth century.
Al Franken: [disgusted] Oh, that’s, oh now--
[He misses another shot to make the score 7-6.]
Al Franken: I missed that whole section!
Tom Davis: Well, that’s too bad!
Al Franken: Ohhhhhhh...
Tom Davis: How’d you do on that Alexander Hamilton essay?
[After a moment, the Franken misses again, to make it 7-all.]
Al Franken: What Alexander Hamilton essay?
Tom Davis: The long essay question at the end of the exam.
Al Franken: That was on Aaron Burr!
Tom Davis: No, it wasn’t!
Al Franken: Yeah, it was!
Tom Davis: No, it said, “Write a biography on the man who invented the Federal Reserve banking system.” That’s Hamilton, not Burr!
Al Franken: [stunned] Oh, wow. Th--
[He misses yet another shot, and is now behind 8-7.]
Al Franken: I just read a book about Burr, too.
Tom Davis: Oh. Well, maybe you’ll get partial credit.
Al Franken: I doubt it.
[They trade shots for a few seconds.]
Al Franken: Say, uh, you didn’t happen to notice, did ya, if the, uh--
[He loses a fifth consecutive point, and trails 9-7.]
Al Franken: Nuts! The true-falses kind of went in a... in a pattern?
Tom Davis: Yes, it was amazing!
Al Franken: Oh, good.
Tom Davis: It went true-false, true-false, true-false, all the way through!
[Davis finally misses again, and is ahead 9-8.]
Al Franken: Wait a minute, I got, uh... I got false, true...
[Franken is no longer moving his blip, and misses a shot.]
Al Franken: False, uh, true.
[The ball goes right past the motionless blip on the right again, and the game ends with the Davis winning 11-8. The blips disappear from the screen.]
Tom Davis: Oh. Well... Wanna play another game?
Al Franken: No, I got a geology exam in a couple hours, uh... Maybe I’d better bone up. [long pause] It’s, uh, “Rocks for Jocks,” I shouldn’t have too much trou--I’ll probably ace it.
[FADE to black over applause.]
Submitted by: Sean